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I'm very supportive, but she doesn't want it
Post-COVID Recovery & COVID-19 | Last Active: Aug 28, 2023 | Replies (24)Comment receiving replies
It is very painful when your love and caring is not reciprocated, and difficult when you are not able to relieve someone else’s suffering. I’m very sorry about your situation.
For what it’s worth, I thought I’d share my experience with Long Covid, because it may be relevant.
My first symptom of covid was profound apathy. I realized I didn’t feel or care about anything - was surprised by how uninterested I was in appreciating a beautiful day, bored by conversations that would usually peak my interest, and had no desire to do anything about it.
Intellectually, I still loved my spouse and children and friends and family, but I didn’t feel anything.
A few days later, I heard from a number of people I’d been with that they tested positive for covid so I tested myself and was also positive. Took Paxlovid, felt better for a few weeks, but then it all returned, and lasted for several months. I have been working in the Long Covid field for the past 2 ½ years, so it would make sense that I’d know what to do and how to proceed, but I cared so little about my situation that I didn’t bother. It wasn’t until I found myself dispassionately frequently thinking about suicide that I sought help. Even that decision was an intellectual one - what a hassle and burden I’d be putting on my family if I were to do that!
I was given an antidepressant and it has helped tremendously. I still have mild cognitive decline, but I care about things and can feel again.
I tell this long story because it was (and still is) clear to me that my attitude and state of mind had absolutely nothing to do with anyone else. None of my loved ones could have done something different to make me feel better (or worse), because I actually had no capacity to feel anything.
Which is to say, your girlfriend’s attitude may have absolutely nothing to do with you. That can be both good news and bad news.
Keep in mind that you do need to look out for your own mental and physical health. Stepping back and/or letting go may be part of the solution, at least for now.
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All these issues are so difficult to grasp, regardless of angle or sincerity, but this is as helpful an approach as I have seen, and I thank you. I also wish very sincerely for your continually improving health. My girlfriend is already on antidepressant medication. Whether it is the right one/s or if she needs a "wake up" moment like you had are things I can't answer. I honestly don't know how anyone wouldn't contemplate suicide when the agony is as intense as what you and she report, and I am so thankful you diverted from that path. So when the brain fog started to lift some for you, what did that do for communication with your family? Were you able to say/explain things in a way that you hadn't in a long while? Were you able to give and receive love again? I think if so, this would be something hopeful for me to hold onto. I definitely have to find alternate ways to maintain mental well-being; it is difficult because her presence changed that for me completely, and nothing will ever substitute for that, and her emotional absence feels like I had vitamins or sunshine taken away. And if I can do that, I guess the one remaining thing is to maintain hope for her first and us second, hopefully sooner rather than later before a gulf that would have been impossible to imagine becomes so wide that it becomes impossible to bridge again. I have completely stopped suggesting what seem like obvious things, that receiving love is healthy or that we have talked about what to rely on in disaster scenarios; those bridges into her are clearly shut down. I am always encouraging but only after she reaches out first to communicate how things are going, and there can be several days in between. It sounds like the stepping back is as much for my good as hers, as there may not be much that affects her state of mind until enough time or some relief has come. She basically rescued me from PTSD; she was always there, never gave up on me, kept telling me what was great about me. I thought the same would help with her. It hasn't, and it won't. Talking about it helps, though. So thank you again.