Dear. You are right— you need someone to hear you. But here is the thing: I don’t think this is the right forum for you. At all.
You’ve had devastating losses, and anyone reading your post can clearly hear your pain. But. The thing is, many of us relate to your girlfriend(!), and I don’t think you need to hear that right now. I’m wearing my therapist hat here, not my long Covid sufferer: please find a therapist. I’m serious. Get on a waiting list, and in the meantime find a therapy group that specializes in loss, or caretakers, or both.
Long Covid effects different people in so many ways. I’m sorry for you, truly. The thing is, it sounds like you are offering her what YOU want to give, what YOU thinks she needs. But what does SHE need? She may need space… or time… or both. She may need to break up temporarily. I’m reading your post and hear that YOU feel you are offering her amazing things… but they may be just another expectation and pressure for her, and you pushing her and insisting on staying in the relationship may seal the deal for HER —that you cannot hear anything or anyone beyond your own insistence that you are a great boyfriend.
I hope you hear what I’m saying because I’m not trying to cause you hurt. But you don’t know what she is going thru, and I highly doubt she will share feelings with you now.
Insisting on staying with her, being angry she didn’t celebrate your b-day properly, being mad she doesn’t show you what you want and isn’t moving in like you want her to? This is bullying behavior. You need to back up and back away. Focus on why you feel so desperate for HER to show YOU what YOU need. Please— this is exactly what therapy is for. Not because you are broken, but because you need context and help.
Good luck.