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Talking about depression and suicidal thoughts
Depression & Anxiety | Last Active: Nov 10, 2023 | Replies (9)Comment receiving replies
Hi @mattn, I'm listening. You're message is not incoherent at all. You paint a good picture with words.
Being an empath - someone who feels more empathy than an average human - can be very emotionally draining and isolating. Having empathy is an asset, but too much of a good thing is just too much and overwhelming.
Reading this article, I think you can relate to many of the traits described.
- 15 Signs You Might Be an Empath https://www.healthline.com/health/what-is-an-empath
Equally, there are many articles online about how to cope with being an empath. You are not alone.
I'm tagging fellow members like @jimhd @johnjames @jonasd @audriana who, like you have had thoughts of suicide and even had a plan or attempted. They can share what gives meaning for them and how they manage their struggles, sometimes with daily reminders and sometimes with challenges.
Matt, you mention that therapy really helped when you gave it try. Know that set backs are normal, but you can feel better again. Are you still seeing your therapist?
Replies to "Hi @mattn, I'm listening. You're message is not incoherent at all. You paint a good picture..."
Hi @young, Colleen D.
I just reread an entry I made in August, 2023. I sounded positive and
sincere. I was feeling as though my depression was in remission.
When I originally began this mental health quest, I did have an expectation
to get better. I know there is no cure.
I especially like to relate to the movie, The Awakening. Although the
inpatients had a totally different diagnosis, the movie depicted a shred of
hope as the characters were Awakening from their catatonic states.
When I am experiencing an Awakening, I feel I have a moral obligation to
take advantage of feeling better. This year was especially therapeutic for
me because I engaged in many of the activities I used to do, prior to the
major depressive episodes.
I'm not a goody two-shoes. I like to be involved in projects that are
community oriented.
I taught at one of our local universities in January as an adjunct
professor.
In April, our Advocacy Group received its nonprofit status.
I returned in the fall and taught two courses.
We just sponsored a community picnic...
And about two months ago, while I was therapeutically pushing myself, "You
know, you just have to try harder. Push yourself," I could feel myself
losing leverage.
My brain is not going into a catatonic state. My brain is getting sick.
Concentration, writing, interacting, completing projects are beginning to
deteriorate. No suicidal ideations. Spravato is doing its job.
Treatment Resistant Depression has come out of remission. It's being
fertilized by free-floating anxiety
I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I may need to resign from teaching if I
don't reverse the negative trend I'm experiencing.
God has a weird sense of humor. As I get better, I feel I have a purpose. I
have confidence. I'm capable of putting things in perspective.
"But, don't feel too better. Don't feel too confident. Cuz God knows...He's
gonna rip out the rug from under me."
Yes, I have people in my life who feel it's necessary to let me know that
I'm depressed because "you're a weak person. The devil knows you're weak.
So that's why you have a mental illness. You have to try harder. Push
yourself! Push harder!"
I just wanted to say that I do what I can when I can.
This isn't the Dark Ages.
People with mental illnesses need to avoid ignorant rhetoric.
When will we truly be emancipated from the superstitious, antiquated, and
disrespectful stigma and stereotypes assosciated with mental issues?
I wanted to take the time to ask that question before my Awakening
dissipates.
I also want to thank Mayo Clinic Connect and its associates and members for
being reliable allies and a great resource.
☮️
Connect
I've encountered a vast array of problems, challenges, and opportunities
throughout my life.
A common denominator for a healthy well-being has been consistency.
I see a therapist on a regular basis-- in person or tele-health. Even when
I feel better, I don't miss an appointment because it's healthy for me to
celebrate the good stuff, too.
And with medication, just because I feel better, that doesn't compel me to
stop taking my meds. It's not like I'm taking an antibiotic.
It takes time for meds to achieve their therapeutic levels. Sometimes, my
brain or body builds a resistance. That's why I have treatment resistant
depression. It took years for something new to
"come down the pike."
Regular Spravato treatments have helped in combination with an
antidepressant--based on the GeneSight analysis--talk therapy, and engaging
in my world.
Body, Mind, Spirit.
Unfortunately, I am my own worst enemy. So, I'm cautiously optimistic.
I'm aware of self-sabotage.
I work on avoiding or controlling analysis paralysis. I'm aware of
triggers.
I'm aware of the toll my mental illnesses have had on my family.
I've been accused of I, I, I...yet, I am sharing my experiences, not
because of malice, selfishness, or narcissism. I share my experiences
because keeping them secret was self-destructive. I have learned to share
with a receptive audience...with kindred spirits, with open-minded people.
Depression and other illnesses that affect our moods and thoughts are still
part of the vast unexplored frontier--the brain.
Hope is an important key.
I hope I've provided something helpful.