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Hi Frances, I can just feel the raw emotion through your words and I’m so sorry whatever your niece has done has impacted you so deeply. People don’t realize the collateral damage they can wreak by careless or thoughtless actions.
I tend to be an empath and there are times I feel so incensed or outraged when hearing about animal or child abuse, injustice against humanity, the senseless acts of war…well, you get the idea. Like you, I tend to focus on an activity which will distract and divert my thoughts. It needs to be something that requires my full attention. This allows the subconscious to process emotions behind the scenes while providing some incremental healing that has an instant reward…at least for a short time. I know emotions this strongly come in waves.
I’m hoping in time you’ll be able to forgive your niece but the old ‘forgive and forget’ doesn’t always ring true. It’s easier to forgive than to forget. Some emotions leave a forever impact.
You’re a very thoughtful person and the acts of kindness you extend to others is so heartwarming and shows the depth of your character. I’m glad to hear you’ve forgiven your friend for her comment the other day. That’s going a long way in helping ease your stress. Your sister will appreciate all you’re doing for her and I hope both of you can take consolation together and work through this painful time. Sending you one of my bear hugs.
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in reply to @loribmt Thank you very much for your kind words. I cannot at this time forgive my niece for what she has done because her act was so outrageous, senseless and completely irresponsible. When my sister initially told me what happened, she tried making excuses such as, "L is under a lot of stress and just found out she might lose her job." However, my niece already had another job offer in place, so the point was moot. There are no plausible excuses for what has happened, and the road to "recovery" will be long and paved with an insurmountable amount of grief.
I think I may have slept 3 hours last night. Woke up at 5, baked 4 dozen cookies, went grocery shopping for my neighbor and just finished cooking her a pound of bacon, which I abhor. I have spent some of the morning working on my cards, as I recently "unpressed" some very interesting leaves from my garden, and I think the combination of the leaves/flowers will be beautiful. The artwork helps me focus, as does the music I listen to, and last night I made a new playlist, "Late Night Music." I wear headphones, loud. I figure I am hearing impaired already so it does not matter if I turn the volume up, because this too helps me cope. Barbara Streisand is especially comforting, as is Carole King.
In any event, there are times I wish I were wired to sit still and just be in the moment, but I suppose my art fulfills that need. I feel so sad for my sister and my niece's family. In many ways I am glad that I do not have a relationship with any of my nieces or nephews, four kids total. I am not sure I would know how to comfort my niece because what happened really hit home with me because of the passion I have about certain things. I am unable to extend any empathy for my niece, presently, because what she did was especially shocking, bordering on criminal. Enough said.
If my sister wants to talk about this event later, I will listen and withhold any judgment I may have toward her daughter, as I know my sister alone is suffering enough. I actually thought this morning that it is probably better that her husband has dementia, because if he were able to grasp the nature of the situation, he too would be outraged.
Again, thank you for your kind and comforting words. I am exhausted, and hope to get some sleep this afternoon, even if that means not going over to my friend's place this evening. I think this may be one of those nights I stay home, as I really do need a break.