It's hard to say, but I spent the last year caring for my 85-year old dad during his battle with cancer (RIP last month). He was a US Navy veteran in the late 1950's, all peacetime. My father-in-law was a US Marine (also late 1950's) who just had a cancerous kidney removed but is recovering well. Both live(d) an hour away (opposite directions), so providing appropriate care was nearly impossible w/o outside professional help.

My impression is that veterans are tough as nails and want to be as self-reliant as they can be for as long as they possibly can. Not whiners at all, and when they reach the point of opening up about needing help, they really need it.

Inasmuch as you've looked to this group for expertise/experience on pancreatic cancer, he probably looks to you as a cancer survivor the same way.

I don't know what boundaries you can set (re: world revolving around him), or what other sources of help you can arrange for him, but the hardest part is not over yet. He may spend a week in the hospital after surgery, and then need assistance at home for a few weeks, at least cooking for himself and dealing with the fatigue while also on pain meds, and getting back for his first follow-up visit if required in person.

His questions and angst might settle down a little bit after the surgery consult, once some of the unknowns are resolved. If he's computer-savvy or computer-comfy, maybe you could set him up with an account here and let him post some of the questions himself.