Your situation almost brought me to tears. I cannot express my feelings of sadness for you. My pain and problems pale compared to yours. I will give you my advice, for what;s it's worth. I can understand why you have a less than a positive attitude. It seems that the medical community is poorly equipped to handle chronic pain. Ask me how I know. I can tell you this: our mental state can have a tremendous effect upon our physical being.
I want tyou to know that you have a great God who loves you and cares for you. I know, that can be hard to believe when you have gone through the things that you have. All I can tell you is that, according to God's word, the Bible. we have ALL sinned and come short of his glory; the wages of sin is death: BUT, if we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. John 3:16 says, "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son, so that all who believe in Him should not perish but have eternal life".
The most important decision ever made was to acept Jesus as my saviour over 50 years ago. My life was changed forever. Not in some magical, booming experience, but a quiet, comforting way over time. I have seen His hand in my life so many times. Often protecting me in inexplicable ways. Even now, in my chronic pain, I still feel his presence, even though, admittedly, I have gotten pretty angry at times. Those are the times when FAITH comes in. Faith is trusting God even when you can't see any way out.
I am asking to to consider accepting Jesus as your personal saviour right now. It is not a difficult thing, but your heart has to be willing and in the right place. Pray something like this: "Lord, God, I know that I am a sinner and I do not deserve your love and forgiveness. But, you have promised that you WILL do these things. Lord, right here and now I confess my sinns and ask that you forgive me. I accept Jesus as my personal saviour and will do my best to be an example for him before others. Amen."
I would also suggest getting a Bible or a New Testament and read the Gospel of John. It relates Jesus' ministry and the plan of salvation. Hope in something greater than yourself can be a great help in getting through difficult times. I am lfting you up in prayer right now, Konrad. Push through all the bad and look ahead! You are made in the image of God...God does not make junk.