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@lacy2

A purpose in life. Yes. So important.. also to have quality of life. That’s great you have purpose and sounds like you push yourself to meet your “goals” and that is working for you... I have never been so lonely in my life yet live with a spouse and 2 adult children within walking distance. But a person could be one foot apart from another human and still feel alone. Alone with my thoughts, feelings, regrets, still a tiny bit of hope.... as many are. One thing caught my eye about not seeing doctors for many years or surgeries etc. Since I had cancer many many years ago, radiation which cause internal problems I live with, errors by doctors ; bad reactions to medications etc. Don’t get me wrong: thankful to have the doctors and treatments - no wonder we are living longer... however illness/treatments with side effects have not always been a positive outcome or solution as we all know. Looking back, without radiation dr said I had 12 to 18 months to live - and this decision to proceed with treatment how many people have had to take a chance. After treatment was given 40 per cent change of living 5 yrs and here I am today.. over thirty years later; then I feel sorry for myself with other illnesses and then read on here or hear about people or relatives who did not survive the illness or the treatment and guilt floods over me which is to be expected... or read about how you are coping - and this makes me feel like a failure/complainer etc... and so the emotions go swirling around daily. Take care and thanks for sharing your story with everyone. J (sorry if I am chatting all over the place).

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Replies to "A purpose in life. Yes. So important.. also to have quality of life. That’s great you..."

I am so happy that 30 years later , you are doing ok . It’s ok to have the feelings your having . You are a survivor! Good for you ! I am actually a failure . My husband has cancer , a tumor at the base of his skull returned after 27 years . He had very dangerous surgery and thank god made it thru, it was a long recovery. Unfortunately they could not get it all, because it was too close to his curated artery . I am a complete mess . I am on several meds or I could not function . I talk to a therapist but no one can take away the pain and fear , that I am feeling . He already had radiation 27 years ago and can’t do it again and chemo does
Not respond to it . So now we wait and he gets scans and is monitored . You are a proud survivor. I am a failure because I am constantly depressed and scared . My family has been supportive but they are upset with me , because I am not being stronger . I
never feel like doing anything or being with others and have COVID fears. I know , probably the only one left on this planet with those fears .😢

Why do we always feel the need to apologize when we survive?

You say: "I have never been so lonely in my life yet live with a spouse and 2 adult children within walking distance." and yet you also immediately seem to point out to the Kind of Connection you are seeking that is not simply Being With People, in your next sentence.
So my question is; Since we all are Individuals with our unique tastes, hobbies, interests and strengths and vulnerabilities, have you not explored your close areas or community to share Your Interests? I still try to connect people over meetup.com, for example, in the hope I'll strike a conversation, say in a coffee shop. Or attend talks and community groups promoting what you might like to do, too? It's a sincere way to belong to a group where opportunities for further friendships might spawn. I do that by attending library events but to no avail yet but not giving up -- next one is to join a diabetes support group where I hope to contribute my experience toward avoiding or dealing with it. Even a group along mental health I'm seriously thinking about. So wish me luck --and I wish you luck too!