Connect
Comment receiving replies
Lewy body and driving
My husband who was diagnosed with lewy body dementia. Had to take drivers test and passed with mo restrictions volunteers at a big concert in our area. He is concierge to the musicians. He loves it! I had to tell him he can still do his job but he cant drive anyone around. He can only drive himself. I talked to the head of company putting on the 2 day concerts. He said he understood and very much appreciated my husband volunteering. I tried to be nice when telling him. He got very angry. He said but I dont have any symptoms. Then I was going to tell them. But you have to be the boss. I drive just fine. Yes but u drive only yourself. So you concentrate fully on driving. He wouldnt talk the rest of the evening. Hr has dr appt this aft. Said I wasnt allowed to go with him. He was doing himself! I have been going with since last sept when we started this journey. He doesnt remember what was said during appts.
It is hard to be the person who has to say you cant do this anymore. You hate to point out yes you do have symptoms but you dont realize it. It was a long day.
We had been going to go thru his passwords for our bills. We spent 2 1/2 hours amd only got thru to E! He rakes a long time to process how to move thru the steps to add a person on an acct. Then tells me I am after his “money”!
Thanks for listening.
Replies to "Lewy body and driving My husband who was diagnosed with lewy body dementia. Had to take..."
I have been where you are. I am still there. My loved one says he has a problem, but thinks I am "beating on him" when I point out conversations he doesn't remember or when I point out what he can and can't do anymore. He only admits this problem when he has difficulty getting his words out, or forgets the name of something, almost as a way of apologizing. But the rest of what he does or says or hears or even experiences, he can't remember. And I hear that he either never "said that", or "did that", or "experienced that". And then he gets very obstinate. So I hear you and I sympathize with you. I feel your pain.
@bobbisedlmayr, you might also be interested in this related discussion:
- No More Driving: https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/no-more-driving/
@johnna16 started the discussion when her husband’s doctor told him it was time to stop driving. Fellow members @windyshores @covidstinks2020 @jenatsky and many others jumped in to share their experiences and tips when having the no more driving conversation with family members.
With respect to financial matters, you may also appreciate this discussion:
- Spouse with cognitive problems and finances
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/spouse-with-cognitive-problems-and-finances/
Were you able to accompany your husband to his medical appointment?
Connect
I'm sorry you are going thru this. It is very difficult and I wish I could tell you it gets better, but so far I've not found it to be so. My father lives with his wife (younger so still working) near me, we've taken away his car keys and he is very angry with us because of it. I've been a bit of a buffer for his wife so she can care for him and I take the blame for his not driving which only goes so far. We've stalled saying that a doctor needs to allow him to drive, the problem is he actually drives well, but he gets lost for hours and hours in a 4 block area. Eventually he might get home but he is exhausted and out of it by that time. We told him that he was not allowed to drive and he fights it constantly, he gave us the car keys after being lost for 6 hours going in circles but he does not remember. This has been a constant problem, he does not have a grasp of reality of where he lives and confuses houses. He seems to forget everything except about the car, we've offered to drive him places and he wants the independence of driving himself. All that to say that I know what you are going thru and I'm sorry, you just have to not take anything personal which is impossible I know. I struggle with this constantly, I've never had any sort of argument with my father until he started to have memory and reality problems. I try to remember that this is something that he can't help just like any other sort of illness, but it's difficult. Stay strong and venting in these groups is cathartic.