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Pain meds don’t help you, try no hard it is to get off those things Her is a bit of my background.
To start off with I don’t really have much to live for anymore. I’m 60 years old, I am not young, I have had a full life, the person who i loved more than anybody or anything, took her one life, two weeks after I got the infection.
I had an infection on my C5 through my C7 from a disk replacement surgery that I had done on that part of my neck, September 7th, On October 3rd, 2023, I had to be rushed to the emergency hospital from the pain i developed from the surgery, after three emergency hospitals, and tons of test, and when I started to lose the mobility of my body from my neck down, they ended doing an emergency surgery, they took out the artificial disk from the first surgery, and they fused my neck. I woke up completely paralyzed from the neck down, I had a tiny little movement in my right hand, the doctor came in and said I would never walk again. The next day I ended up getting some mobility back in my right side and as time went it continued to improve, a week later they put me into a rehab, to work on getting to place I could take care of myself.
I have numbness and burning from my neck down, my penis and my balls burn, my bladder and bowel‘s work very poorly, my sexual functions barely work and when it does get hard it burns and has numbness and is not enjoyable in any way whatsoever, It’s been ten months and I still have all the the same symptoms, what has continued to get better is my mobility, but now it has plateaued!
Like I stated in the very beginning my girlfriend killed her self two weeks after I got the infection. Which was devastating because I loved her so much!
My left leg is stuck where it’s at. I have mobility in the rest of my body, but I walk very poorly because of the nerve pain and because of the paralyzation, the pain is unbearable most of the time day in a day out.
I am on a lot of pain pills, oxycodone on Lyrica and muscle relaxers, and Benzo’s for my depression. I cry all the time and don’t have anything to fight for. I sound pathetic but that is wear i am at, i feel like eating a gun barrel all the time!
But I finally got off the pain meds and my brain is functioning completely different! I have more than I have had through all through this nightmare I am living, and I have exhausted everything and everyone to find a solution and there is not much anyone can do for me!
Replies to "Pain meds don’t help you, try no hard it is to get off those things Her..."
@konrad I am sorry for your plight and the loss of your significant other. I hope you are in therapy? You said the benzo’s haven’t helped and you want off them and you stopped pain meds too? Being off benzo’s is a plus I feel but I presume you’re still experiencing pain? You should reach out to #988 to obtain immediate psychological assistance with your immediate issue of grief recovery and suicidal ideation. Since you’ve written seeking help don’t stop with us! Good luck
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Your situation almost brought me to tears. I cannot express my feelings of sadness for you. My pain and problems pale compared to yours. I will give you my advice, for what;s it's worth. I can understand why you have a less than a positive attitude. It seems that the medical community is poorly equipped to handle chronic pain. Ask me how I know. I can tell you this: our mental state can have a tremendous effect upon our physical being.
I want tyou to know that you have a great God who loves you and cares for you. I know, that can be hard to believe when you have gone through the things that you have. All I can tell you is that, according to God's word, the Bible. we have ALL sinned and come short of his glory; the wages of sin is death: BUT, if we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. John 3:16 says, "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son, so that all who believe in Him should not perish but have eternal life".
The most important decision ever made was to acept Jesus as my saviour over 50 years ago. My life was changed forever. Not in some magical, booming experience, but a quiet, comforting way over time. I have seen His hand in my life so many times. Often protecting me in inexplicable ways. Even now, in my chronic pain, I still feel his presence, even though, admittedly, I have gotten pretty angry at times. Those are the times when FAITH comes in. Faith is trusting God even when you can't see any way out.
I am asking to to consider accepting Jesus as your personal saviour right now. It is not a difficult thing, but your heart has to be willing and in the right place. Pray something like this: "Lord, God, I know that I am a sinner and I do not deserve your love and forgiveness. But, you have promised that you WILL do these things. Lord, right here and now I confess my sinns and ask that you forgive me. I accept Jesus as my personal saviour and will do my best to be an example for him before others. Amen."
I would also suggest getting a Bible or a New Testament and read the Gospel of John. It relates Jesus' ministry and the plan of salvation. Hope in something greater than yourself can be a great help in getting through difficult times. I am lfting you up in prayer right now, Konrad. Push through all the bad and look ahead! You are made in the image of God...God does not make junk.