@tabathab
Hello~ Happy belated birthday! You've been through so much. It's easy to see why you're on an emotional roller coaster. I hope that as you get treatment for the underlying cause of everything you're going through that things get better. They have for me. Although I wish I didn't need so many meds (hydroxychloroquine, methotrexate, and Orencia for the MCTD, plus duloxetine and bupropion for depression, which I've had my whole adult life), my quality of life is really good. The fatigue is the worst part, but I also have ADHD and take Adderall for it, which helps with the fatigue. Voltaren gel also helps the joints that don't want to respond to the drugs.
Staying in the present as much as possible and looking for new things to be grateful for every day has helped me manage my anxiety.
It may take some time to find the cocktail of meds and self care that works for you, but I believe you can find it and hope you do too.
If you need someone to listen, please reach out to me. I'm not a counselor or a doctor, but I'm happy to listen.
With care, Erika