Thank you all very much. This forum is kinda my last ditch effort to reach out for support.

It seems like every time I try to “get help” I end up feeling even more beat down &/or sorry that I confided.

I have talked to a therapist. I was on antidepressants for a few years. But I feel like I’m just circling the drain; some days nearer the top, some days the bottom.

Things I have &/or am dealing with: dysfunctional family; family history of depression, anxiety, drug abuse, suicide attempts, self harm, personality disorders (I suspect so anyway);
in myself: depression, anxiety, self loathing, self harm, being a weak coward, (i could go on with that thread but won’t). My parents both have degenerative diseases; I try to be caregiver but am falling short.

I know it sounds selfish, but all I want in the world is to live in my house with my husband (the only person I’m hanging in there for) and my fur babies and leave the entire rest of the world behind. But even the joy in those things are being “syphoned” out of me. (like you said esikora). Im angry all the time and can’t feel happiness anymore.