First, welcome Marley.

Second, bless you for being a loving caregiver for so long!
It is so sweet to hear that your mom is so loving and appreciative. You sound like you have a special relationship.

Any caregiver, especially those for dementia, relates very much to everything you said. It’s very common, and probably even natural to have feelings of guilt. But don’t let them overwhelm you. You are doing everything you can and so much more than many are willing or capable of doing.
Also, don’t be afraid or ashamed to ask for help. Aging and diseases, and dementia is one of the worst, are not something we are built to deal with. And I don’t think anyone can do it alone.

I relate especially to the feelings of the “smack of reality”, the guilt and the realization of the insidiousness of watching a loved one consumed by this disease. I have a large family, but sometimes I feel like I’m the only one who is in touch with the reality of what is happening, and what will happen to my dad (he’s in moderate stage Alzheimer’s).

I wish I had advice or a “magic wand” to take away the negative feelings and symptoms you and your mom are experiencing. Or, at least advice…but I am currently in the same boat. Utterly and completely overwhelmed. angry. exhausted.

Hug to you if it helps