in reply to @pml. Thank you for your kindness and encouragement. People such as yourself have been a blessing to me. Admittedly, while I was at the infusion center on Friday, a woman in the waiting area (not a patient) kept staring at me. It took everything I had not to say to her, "Are you looking at me?" Wasn't that a line from some Al Pacino movie?
What I have noticed in my community is that it is mostly the women who either shun me or have the audacity to ask me what is wrong with me, why I am so thin and things of that nature. On the other hand, the guys tell me I look great, inquire about my health and offer help if I need it. In the past when I was working, I generally liked working for men as opposed to women, because it had been my experience that many women, myself included, often let their emotions get in the way, and the end result is always counter productive.
As my world gets smaller because I no longer choose to have people in my life who are uncomfortable about my physical appearance, I am not giving in or up. I am much stronger than anyone may think that I am, and I will continue to honor myself and others with my sense of character. Having said this, I am really glad the experiences I have discussed here have not caused me to stop being the person who I am In fact, I recently wrote my sister a short letter that it took two things that enabled me to become a better person:1) the loss of my dog; and 2) having a chronic illness. I told her that it took until I was sick to finally discover that I think I am a pretty good person, and I have no intention of stopping those things I can do to bring joy to others.
As a side bar, I am an avid gardener when I am not making art. I have 10 avacado seeds in water, presently, and realized last night that I am busy growing all kinds of things because I have stopped growing, physically. I want to save the world, but I cannot. But I can sure save a plant every time.