Apparently you do not seem to have some genetic bad luck, that's a very good news -- though even genes don't express themselves without the environment they are in, the so called epigenetics. Nature is more complex than we 'd ever fully know.

Now I think I was very close to deep sense of 'all doors closing in on me' when in my early twenties (I'm in my 8th decade now) and even though I've had three cycles of 'good' times and 'bad' times in my life, like everyone else, I've been good at certain things and not-good at others, which makes me -- and most of us -- normal people, people who fee Good Enough. But more importantly, being who we are good at makes for an INTeresting humanity.
I'd NOT change myself for what I am not; we all need to be AUTHENTIC beings, true to ourselves, if we truly want a healthy RECIPROCAL bond.

So when you say: the thing is i really don't feel like i'm worth anyone's time anyways, so everyone's just better off if i stay behind and wait for them to talk to me when they want to. i don't do enough for anyone to justify making them pay attention to me, so why should i bother them?" WHAT I am at a loss to know the people you wish to connect with are likely WITHIN your expectations (I'd would not be interesting to someone who wants to talk about sports and dining out, for example, NOR I WOULD WANT TO. For a Mutually Rewarding friendship/connection EACH side must feel they enjoy the other. Otherwise what's the point??

So I can understand your reaction: "pretty" and "nice" are the only good qualities i can think of for myself, but being pretty doesn't make me a worthwhile person and being nice is just the bare minimum.

But to say: "i'm just… not good enough for anyone. or at least i can't even rationalize myself out of thinking it because it just makes perfect sense to me. i don't know, what am i supposed to do?" isn't it then you have not truly found out what is good about you that at least YOU are proud of; after all WE ALL are good at something otherwise this whole society with its culture and services won't be here, right? We all are cogs in this vast machine; each one counts. As a retired person today I am fixated with finding what is this thing called overdose deaths that's eating America from inside out as the numbers keep grwoing EACH YEAR!

So, while I am happy within My Skin -- that's the frst condition to enter into any connection, only then maybe 'love' may come. But yes we don't want HOSTILE people around us I'm happy as long as they are CIVIL and engage in some passing laughter and shared challenges that we confront both as a Society and as a PERSON.

So I wish you get your wish as I believe the basis of love, too, need to be MUTUAL to have. And let's remember NONE of us (by and large) is a devil or an angel. So good luck with "all i want is to feel loved but how am i supposed to when seeking any interaction or compassion or even just asking for support here makes me feel like i'm the devil? i just feel stuck. what can i even do???