Thankfully, my husband is doing good right now, but when he was really depressed, I TRIED to keep my mouth shut as much as I could and have him talk when he wanted to talk, which is really hard for me, because I ask way too many questions. I also tried really hard to keep a positive attitude even when things were really bad, just to try to keep a good environment around him. Like if he didn’t want to go anywhere, just accepting that without the sighs and moping around. Again trying to be as understanding as possible. I’ve learned this with my son’s depression too…. I was always asking him questions to see if he’s ok and it just pushed him away. He’s much more receptive to me backing off, yet being around when he does need to talk and letting him know that.
And, lots of prayers for them! Also, the people closest to them get the worst of them, because we’re their safe place, so I try to remember, it’s not me they’re mad at, they just don’t feel good.
I’m sure you’ve done so much to help your husband, don’t beat yourself up, you’ve stuck by him and have had to endure so much. I will pray that he will be open to help.
One last thing, there are a ton of podcast and books and resources out there to help understand what they’re going through, so I’m educating myself when I can.

HI, Ktawater,

What did your nurse friend say?

I'm going to suggest this again: get some counseling. Another member posted phone numbers...Please give them a try.

He doesn't get out of bed; he won't take his medicine. And he thinks YOU aren't "there" for him?!?

How does he get food to stay alive? I'm guessing you buy the food, right? How does he have a roof over his head? How does he have a bed to lie in? I'm guessing you, right?
You provide all of this for him, and he still thinks you are not doing enough for him?

From your messages, it sounds like you have done so much for him and you continue to try to do more and more for him. It sounds like he is never satisfied with what you try to do. Will he ever be satisfied with you? Does he just keep upping his demands/expectations? That sounds to me like emotional abuse.

Please, please get counseling. I think you really need help seeing your situation objectively.

A smart person once said that you can't expect different results if you keep doing the same thing. Sounds to me that you have been doing the same thing-- trying to help him, in different ways but still the same thing.
Is it time to try something different? A counselor can help you decide if you need to do something different and a counselor can help you figure out what that something different might be.

hugs and blessings to you!