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"You're not the only one dealing with issues!"
Caregivers: Dementia | Last Active: Jul 23, 2023 | Replies (48)Comment receiving replies
@frances007 Let me commend you for being such a good friend, even when it hurts! There is a saying “to the world, you are 1 person, but to 1 person, you are the world.” To your friend, YOU are the world. But now, the world is getting to be too much to handle safely. You need some time for you. And time to take the trip to see your sister. First off, you need to prepare for your trip. Explore the city and county resources for care assistance. Check with your county’s Agency on Aging and check with the state’s division on aging services. See if you can talk with someone. Explain your dilemma and ask where you can get some help. Would your friend benefit from moving to assisted living? Are there any family members who might help? Since you have already been in touch with Adult Protective Services, tell them your whole story and maybe they can help.
I think you are a marvelous friend who has gone above and beyond. Now it’s time to focus on you before you crash.
Can you maybe try some of these suggestions?
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in reply to @becsbuddy Yes, I can contact Adult Protective Services and discuss the situation with them. I have just learned that they have contacted my friend's POA, good. The problem with getting someone else to step in, is that my friend will not allow any strangers into her apartment. Assisted living is out of the question, even for a short period of time. Yesterday I asked the woman who took her to the hair salon to make sure that "Joyce" had remembered that I had prepared dinner the night before and that there was food in her refrigerator to eat, that the cat box needed to be cleaned etc. Her friend did not respond to me, naturally, and her friend simply dropped "Joyce" off after the appointment.
I will see "Joyce" tonight as she called me several times yesterday asking if I would be coming over, which I did not last night. I stayed home, made bread dough which I just took out of the oven, so that I can give it to my sister who is coming over tomorrow. I had a fine day and evening, doing many things that pleased me. For the first time I did not feel guilty, because I really was having a tough day after the iron infusion on Friday. To be expected, and I will have one more next week.
I finally realized that I have little control over this awful situation, and if I am not good to myself, I am useless to all. I suppose we all wish at some point we could wave a magic wand over those who suffer with dementia, but instead we have to face it head on, not an easy thing to do when dealing with loved ones. I am looking at a quote on my wall: "How sad and bad and mad it was- but then, how it was sweet." Robert Browning. "Joyce" despite her dementia is like a sweet child, and while this has been the most difficult thing I have had to face with her, I know that I am doing my best to ensure she remains "sweet" and I owe it to her to ensure she is protected. I keep thinking about something my mother said before she died, "there are no guarantees in life." So true. The very very best I can feel right now is that I have gratitude and I do not take anything, such as life, for granted. I am grateful that I have the ability to watch over "Joyce" and do my best in all ways before I cannot. Thank you for reading this.