So happy I sat down just now and googled "anxiety about lumbar fusion." I appreciate the honest posts and responses. I have my two level lumbar fusion tomorrow, and feel very anxious and sad. I've been staying at a family member's home for 6 weeks awaiting surgery, so not in my own home, wondering if I'll be able to get back to living in Mexico after this (where I'd retired, but had to come back here to use Medicare). What I want is for some friend or family person just to say "I'd be anxious too, no wonder you feel this way, I don't blame you" but what I get is "look on the bright side." What I want to do is cry, but I don't dare, and I talk myself through to the other side. Can't shake the sadness.
I've always been good about just plowing along through difficulties, including decades of chronic pain. I'm pretty much an Eeyore, but I do persevere. But this one has stymied me, I feel overwhelmed. I know the likelihood is for a good/decent outcome, certainly better than where I'm at now. And I know I have to have this surgery-- I'll be in a wheelchair soon if I do nothing. I know much of this fear and sadness is tied to the "here we go again" feelings about past (unrelated) surgeries; so many years of pain and disability, etc. Just tired, and feeling I won't cope well with the lengthy recovery.
But... got to do it. So here we go... Thanks for the opportunity to rant here.