Hi Ktawater,

I just read your message with your background details.

Honey, I'm not a professional, but it sounds to me that you are stuck in an emotionally abusive relationship, whether or not it's caused by his depression.

Please seek professional therapy for yourself.

Sounds to me that you have done everything (!) possible to support your husband...over the course of a long time, too. Seems to me that you have done your duty by him.

If he won't see a doctor-therapist AND he won't take his medicine, then he isn't doing the right thing AND he isn't doing right by you! He isn't doing his duty to his wife.

What you wrote about his anger issues kinda makes me worried for your physical safety...And his saying such mean things to you really shocks me.

I'm reluctant to suggest this since I'm not a professional, but here goes: Maybe you should focus on protecting yourself -- your feelings and your physical health. Maybe you should leave the situation.
Maybe your leaving him would help him? I don't know... this is just my impression. I hope that I am not over-reacting to the background information that you gave us.

Please consult a professional and keep us all posted here. If you are religious, maybe consult with your pastor/leader as soon as possible.

Hugs and blessings to you!