I’m definitely #3, but I started out as a strong #1, thinking, like cancer, a very quick discovery, diagnosis, and treatment was critical to finding a cure for me!
I knew that being #2 was critical, as I needed to learn to walk, get myself to the bathroom etc. and without being #2 I wouldn’t be where I am today: driving, cooking, and able to type however awfully. The process of trying to accept the cause/cure being unknown was slow. It started as 1 step forward, then 2 steps backward, until finally it’s more like 2-3 steps forward, then one step back.
So that puts me at being a #3, hoping I hit the lottery, and frustrated with trying to understand how doctors have no clue of my cause or a specific diagnosis, yet are POSITIVE an MRI will tell us 100% nothing. That little seed of doubt because I can’t believe they know “100%”, and me not being able to put my hope to rest is what keeps me up at night and has me with remnants of #1 patient type in my system.
But the main reasons I’m finally leaning more toward being a 2 vs 1 is a) Necessity to live and focus on maintenance and quality of life as a lot of time has passed and b) My realization that staying as a #1 became exhausting and had diminishing returns. My doctors already seemed exhausted before me, while they’ve been trying to crack the code for much longer than me. No matter what brilliant theories I had or trends I found for me, I had no resources or ability to test or prove them. It doesn’t mean I don’t still hope and dream, but my energies have definitely shifted to a more productive place for this body I’m trying to maximize use of.