Hi @stacyb, and welcome to Mayo Connect. I'm sorry you are having such a rough time with your feelings and struggles after open heart surgery. I think it's normal to have anxious thoughts after going through something as big as open heart surgery. I like that you said you have faith and that you have been fine so far. Four years goes by fast, doesn't it? It probably still seems like it just happened. It will be three years this year for me, and I still remember every detail of my experience. I struggled a bit too afterwards. Did it work? Is my HCM growing back? Why is my heart racing? What if I pass out on my hike? Things like that. Having faith means we have to put our trust in someone besides ourselves, and sometimes that is difficult. Have you thought about seeking counseling? Have you talked to your doctor about your feelings and fears?