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"You're not the only one dealing with issues!"

Caregivers: Dementia | Last Active: Jul 23, 2023 | Replies (48)
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@centre

I find I feel better NOT talking about the details with friends and family, beyond “Unfortunately, Bill has vascular dementia, we’re staying pretty close to home, maybe you’d like to come over sometime.” With friends/family, I leave/respond to e-mails with short, no details re dementia care. With phone calls, I talk or return calls as I can fit in, and often say, “Oops, gotta go!”, if things start to go downhill at home.
People don’t want to hear the gory details (maybe they’re afraid of the diagnosis happening to them or someone they love). Reciting the details depresses me. It is what it is, it’s only going to get worse. Online support groups with dementia caregivers, virtual or one like this are your best bet. I pray a lot, helps to pour things out to the One who cares.
We’re here for you. “Friends” who would be unkind to you are not friends, that’s a difficult truth to hear. Family who are unkind are often self-absorbed and probably won’t change, so no need to worry about them. Practice self-care, you are doing a beyond difficult job.

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Merry, Alumni Mentor | @merpreb | Jul 8, 2023

@centre- OMG, you sound like what I did with emails and calls. And the last thing I wanted to discuss was Dave's symptoms. I was living them! And nobody knocks on your door asking if they can do your dirty laundry or clean your toilet! I kept the seat down!

"We're here" for you means something entirely different to me than it does to people who say it. It means nothing because nothing happens if I don't make the next step.

Any form of dementia is difficult to deal with. Dave was getting up one night, and because of a slippery comforter, he slid right off the bed while I yelled, "NO." While he was trying to get up, I was on the floor trying to straighten his legs, because of his disease, his legs were like steel. We were on that damn floor for a good 2 hours. I finally got him to crawl and we got his 2 arms up on the bed and the rest is history. We wound up laughing but I was very scared that I wouldn't be able to get him up. The lesson in this, I think is that it's a funny story but it goes beyond that. It's the wet floor, the complete change of clothing, a drink of water and still having to go to the bathroom. And the relief of not having to spend the night on a wet wood floor.

I subsequently found out that you can call your fire department and they will come to your house and get someone back into bed or get them up off the floor.

Are you still struggling with this?

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