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Can’t find help; at a total loss
Just Want to Talk | Last Active: Jul 4, 2023 | Replies (27)Comment receiving replies
Hi 1k194,
Geez, sounds like you have tried a lot !
Do you have the energy to circle back to the undependable sisters? If you do-- or if your brother or your mother have the energy-- then maybe try these 2 ideas:
1. The only way I got substantial help for my mother from my siblings was to have an outright hissy fit. I told them I was at the end of my rope and they had to step up. I used a group text message so they all knew. It's been about 10 years since that happened, and it still upsets me.
2. More recently, my therapist suggested to me that I make a list of specific tasks (with deadlines) and ask who will do the task. (This is for help for me; my mother has since passed.)
Maybe you, your mom and brother could keep a running list of chores in a notebook for a little while. Then look it over and offer tasks to the siblings. Have your mom and brother talked to the other sisters? Maybe your mother or brother could spearhead the requests? Start the undependables off with chores that don't matter much.
I suppose it's conceivable that the undependable sisters don't know/understand how much help your dad and mom need. If you give them a list, then they will know for sure...and they will have to face up to the fact that they are not doing their duty by their parents. In fact, they will have a list of the ways that they aren't doing their duty. At that point, it's on them and their conscience.
I'm so sorry that you have to go through this, too. It's frustrating in the moment and heartbreaking over time...
Wishing you good health and lots of energy!
Replies to "Hi 1k194, Geez, sounds like you have tried a lot ! Do you have the energy..."
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Thank you all.
I didn’t know whether to start a new post.
I’m having a really bad day. Yesterday was exhausting. I took my mom to an appointment. Sounds simple, right? I can’t explain it all…it would take hours, but being with my mom all day is absolutely draining.
I am so angry. I am so done. I am miserable. Worst is that my husband is miserable. I don’t know how to fix it.
We have our own mental and physical struggles. Maybe everyone does. But it’s all we can do to deal with our own problems. Now, once again, my family is bogarting me. I feel consumed. Used. Hopeless. My parents can’t help their health situation. So I’m a terrible person to feel irritated about the stress it’s causing. My brother is worse off…he lives there. And he doesn’t have an incredibly supportive and loving spouse like I do. So I shouldn’t complain.
But I’m not handling it. I’m angry…all the time. I blow up at little things. I hate myself to begin with…I can’t tolerate myself like this.
We (my husband and I) feel lost; exhausted; depressed; just going through the motions.
He’s still on the med he’s taken for over a decade. I don’t think it’s enough/the right thing. I’m no longer on meds; but I feel like I need it. My husband says “he has his wife back” since I went off the meds because more of my personality is back, I guess. I don’t feel well. I don’t think I can deal with life without chemicals numbing my brain/emotions.
I vent here because counselors are expensive and time consuming. I’m back to wanting to stay in bed or give up trying, like I was before I met my husband. I love him more than anything in the world; I’m failing him and I can’t stand it.
There’s no solution.
I have a responsibility to my parents and brother. They need help; in many ways. I’m so inadequate.
But the most important thing is my responsibility to my husband. He deserves a wife who puts him first and is there for him. I’m so inadequate and failing at that (though he is too good of a person to ever admit that to me; even when I’ve asked). If I fail at that; if I fail him…life isn’t worth living;….and I am failing him.