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Can’t find help; at a total loss
Just Want to Talk | Last Active: Jul 4, 2023 | Replies (27)Comment receiving replies
Thank you all for the virtual hugs 🙂
Thank you Anne for the suggestions. The
caregivers for my dad are my mom, my brother who lives with them and works full time and myself. Sometimes one of our sisters also watches my dad sometimes, but she also works full time. There is no one else in the family to help. I have asked for things a couple times from siblings…we are not able to count on them. There is no one else as far as family. We have tried in home help from healthcare providers; it did not pan out. They are either not covered by insurance or are not what we need. I am still working on finding in home help. There is a social worker from my parents primary care provider who has helped us.
Still waiting, trying, to figure things out….
Replies to "Thank you all for the virtual hugs :) Thank you Anne for the suggestions. The caregivers..."
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Hi 1k194,
Geez, sounds like you have tried a lot !
Do you have the energy to circle back to the undependable sisters? If you do-- or if your brother or your mother have the energy-- then maybe try these 2 ideas:
1. The only way I got substantial help for my mother from my siblings was to have an outright hissy fit. I told them I was at the end of my rope and they had to step up. I used a group text message so they all knew. It's been about 10 years since that happened, and it still upsets me.
2. More recently, my therapist suggested to me that I make a list of specific tasks (with deadlines) and ask who will do the task. (This is for help for me; my mother has since passed.)
Maybe you, your mom and brother could keep a running list of chores in a notebook for a little while. Then look it over and offer tasks to the siblings. Have your mom and brother talked to the other sisters? Maybe your mother or brother could spearhead the requests? Start the undependables off with chores that don't matter much.
I suppose it's conceivable that the undependable sisters don't know/understand how much help your dad and mom need. If you give them a list, then they will know for sure...and they will have to face up to the fact that they are not doing their duty by their parents. In fact, they will have a list of the ways that they aren't doing their duty. At that point, it's on them and their conscience.
I'm so sorry that you have to go through this, too. It's frustrating in the moment and heartbreaking over time...
Wishing you good health and lots of energy!