Tired of living

There are levels of exhaustion, depression and loneliness at the end of life. I just turned 69 but have been living a quite isolated existence for many years now, functional and ambulatory but that's about it.
I would never try to convince anyone that life is worth living, since I can't put myself into place of their very own life. I have come to think of it as surviving gracefully, not so much living. I am glad to know you would not end your life although I remain curious as to the stigma thereof.
I can only wish you peace, or as close to it as you can come at the tail end of your life. The best some of us can do is avoid pain and maintain the status quo. God bless you.

Sounds like my life. Oh yeah with the excitement of cleaning the litter box and brushing the cats 🙂

@thisismarilynb
Why are you still alive? I don't know you, but you probably don't know how many people you inspire~! It takes courage to see a therapist...good for you!
I'm marilynp and 83...I pray I have your schedule and wit at 88....I hope I get to 88. No ...no promises of time so when your feet hit the floor in the morning...say thank you and take on the day. We have to work at it, I know ...💞

I guess you could say I am still alive because I am not dead. Stupid joke, isn't it. On Father's Day my oldest son posted a picture of his Dad on Facebook and said: "Happy Father's Day, Dad. I miss you." Still crying floods of tears. I am not sure how I inspire people. I just live a quiet life and do only what I need to do. I will never be a complete person without my beloved husband. When my feet hit the floor in the morning, I say Still here? I didn't know that 30 years of racewalking would lead to my being so old and in relatively good health. In 3 short months I will hit 89. Right now my greatest fear is not being able to take care of myself. I have visited a couple of those facilities that offer independent and assisted living and that's not the kind of living I want. Thank you for your kind words.

Thank you for your kind wishes. I would not personally end my life because I do not wish to cause such pain to my son and I promised him I would never do that. I also consider it a sin. So I just continue to put one foot in front of the other. Some days are better than others. I am not so much isolated as keeping myself apart. My therapist and I are working on that. Will see how that goes.

Oh, you are funny...such keen wit! Yep, you are still here and doing a fine job of it.
The compassion I feel for you for being without your other half is outweighed by the happiness that I can imagine you shared. What a wonderful thing for you to be able to say about your life. I'm fortunate to know a few people 'like you'. One is my friend of over 60 years, Ida, 90 years old, walks each day, and her husband was the love of her life. She has tapes of the music they loved, and she will dance barefoot as she plays it. Then there is Gail, whose loss is fresh but he was so ill, she is at peace...I will be staying with her in Maine during my trip. My point is that love like that is a gift, which I know you realize.
Inspire? How many almost 89-year-olds do I know that just...do what needs to be done and are up to today's technology and have the courage to do what it takes to make their life better...? I can count people like you on one hand and have a thumb left over. Your running has served you well!!🏆
I think of the same thing regarding self-care. I have some help now, so I just figure if I wind up in a facility unexpectedly...if I have my wits, I'll start a craft group.
My mother lived to be one month short of 90 and was a pistol!! She would fish for compliments about her wavy hair simply so she could tell you it was natural brown...and it was!! It is the spirit and determination you have💞

I am so sorry for your loss. I'm inspired by your strength to get through each day and wish you all the best.

@thisismarilynb - I am so glad to finally get to your post on your cruise (after a few family medical issues which are controllable now!)...and find it had some good news, unexpected connections and more.
Just wanted to let you know & I'll be catching up on the rest of the posts since this one next.
Congrats, and cheers for you!

@thisismarilynb have you ever heard of the organization Adult Children of Alcoholic and Dysfunctional Families? The program has been a God send and a safe haven for me and many others. There’s so much love, experience, strength and hope for all. A quick google search of “Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families World Service Organization” will direct you to the website where you’ll find more information and link to Zoom support group meetings as well as in person meetings.

Hope you find some peace, strength, relief, love and more importantly the courage to continue on this journey 🙏🏽💗

Here it is mid August and I would hope by now you are feeling better and had some therapy. I'm 92 years old and lost my husband of 65 years just 51/2 years ago. When my feet hit the floor in the morning I say "thank you God for giving me another day". Then I say "what day IS it anyway?" and "What am I going to forget to do today?" I wobble in to the kitchen for my first cup of coffee and a biscotti to eat with my pills. I read the WSJ and all the tragedy, suffering, loss and pain in the world and realize with all my aches and pains how good I have it. Shortly after my husband died my son called and said he didn't want me to grow old in that big house where the 55 and over community was getting too far over 55, dying, leaving to be close to their kids or going to Independent Livng facilities. I was in California and he and his family live in Georgia. I took him up on it, sold the house, said a sad farewell to the graves of my mom and husband. Mom was married 5 times so I have no idea where the graves my 5 other dads are but who cares? and took the next flight out, which was 7 months later. We found a great Independent Living facility just 2 miles from them. What a wonderful, though hesitant, decision I made to live in an apartment after years as a homemaker. I have a lovely 2 bedroom apartment, made lots of friends, have my own things around me. I can join in the activities or stay in my apartment to read or do what I want. I don't have to cook my meals, clean my apartment or do the linen laundry. We go on outings and live a life that suits us. Friends are there when you want or need them. There's knitting, card playing, game playing and a purpose to your life. God gave you this marvelous life to enjoy and inspire others. Have you ever volunteered to help at organizations that are helping families and children in need? Put your childhood behind you and help some child not live that life.
So get on with your life, smell the roses, help those who need your skills or advice, take another look at Independent living ,if you can afford it, and then thank the good Lord for each breath you take. Live in the present and don't worry about not being able to take care of yourself or being a burden to others. They say when you die the angels will come down to take you to heaven. I will probably get an old angel with half his feathers gone who says,"Come on, Lu, get your bones out of bed we're going to meet Jesus." Gotta have a sense of humor!