While I am still in a bleak place nine months after my wife's death, I make a real effort to, in my terms, "get off the couch." I retired from a job I loved and spent almost 9 years taking care of my wife at home as her Alzheimer's disease progressed. To help me out I hired a part-time aide to come into our home five days a week for 4 hours/day to allow me to get out and about to attend an exercise class, to shop etc. While all this was going on, I was hit by a car while crossing a busy intersection and had to spend two weeks in the hospital for an ankle operation. During my hospitalization, my family had my wife admitted to a nursing home since I was no longer at home to take care of her when the aide was not there. After I was released from the hospital, my wife remained in the nursing home, since I came to the conclusion that I could not provide her with adequate care -- feeding, cooking, keeping her clean, shopping for food on my own. We also moved from central Pennsylvania where we lived for 30 years to St. Paul MN, my home town, to be closer to one of our children and to my brothers and sister. After only a few months in Minnesota, my wife died in her MN nursing home. It has been a
grueling nine months since her death and I am working hard to reconcile myself to the fact that she is gone. I attend a daily exercise class which is a godsend. At the class I have met some great new friends, who have helped me come to terms with my new life without my wife of 54 years. The exercise class motivated me to "get off the couch" and to reconnect with the world to some extent. I have also enrolled in a small bereavement group with women and men going through the same transition that I am experiencing. I have not been completely successful, but I intend to keep working on it. Talking with the people in the bereavement group provides some consolation. Many people keep telling me that "keeping busy" is very important to helping you come to terms with your new station in life. I don't particularly appreciate the advice, but I have to admit that keeping busy has probably helped me move on to my new station in life. I would say that I am a "work in progress."