Thank you all very much for the support, hugs and suggestions!

To covidstinks2023:
I have a theory on what is “wrong” with me (medically speaking; the total list is another story…). I’ve come to the conclusion through years of research of my symptoms. I’ve considered many theories but the current one would explain everything. Unfortunately, it’s one of those things that many people, including some medical professionals, don’t believe even exists. I have a list of symptoms, most to least, that I’ve gone over with medical staff. No one seems to listen/care/take me seriously/etc. I’m not sure, but they say the same unhelpful things, do the same inconclusive tests and then just drop the ball; never pursuing things further. I trust our pets’ vet more than any human doctor I’ve ever met. I’m in the same boat trying to get help for both my parents. They both have serious health issues and we can’t find doctors who seem to care/know what they’re doing. Thank you for your kind words.

To Helen:
Thank you for your kindness and the links; I will check them out. I certainly think depression is part of the problem; I have self loathed since I was in the earliest grades of elementary. I am, however, frustrated with the doctors always landing on that and then not pursuing further. I know there is a physical cause for my symptoms, at least some of them. I have close female relatives who have a lot of the same symptoms. I’ve tried antidepressants, unfortunately none of them worked. Today, I am pretty tired and overwhelmed. It’s my day off from caring for my parents and I am overwhelmed with all I have to catch up on at home :-/

To Jeff:
I soooooo need a break! A real break. Not a day at home amongst all the dozens of things that need done. I’m a homebody; I’d rather be home than anywhere else, unfortunately, I can’t relax when that’s also where I work. And boy do I know about having to be your own advocate! I’ve been livid with the healthcare field lately with trying to help my parents get the care they need. I can’t believe how complicated they make everything and how few of the so called professionals seem to care about their patients.

To Chris:
Yes, caregiving is exhausting; physically, mentally and emotionally. I’ve been a caregiver pretty much my whole life. Starting at about 12 until now. I’m sorry you’ve had that “it’s all in your head” attitude thrown at you. Oh, that attitude makes me furious! because that’s exactly what I’ve experienced. It’s bad enough to feel so bad that it saps your will to go on and then for someone to treat you that way, especially those you go to for help…ridiculous. I’m so glad you were able to find some answers and relief 🙂

To grammy82,
Thank you so much for your kindness. Your post really resonates with me. I feel sooo inadequate! But I really do think I should do so much better 🙁 Then sometimes I get so angry because few things in my life that are upsetting/difficult/etc were anything I did or chose. I get angry when I think about all the things I feel I’ve been saddled with; things I didn’t ask for. But then I get angry with myself for feeling that way. I don’t have kids or a regular job, so why shouldn’t I be the one who picks up the slack? But then I get angry again because I think about how I’ve been doing this since I was 12, and mostly do to others’ bad decisions or stubbornness. I have so much anger, then I feel so guilty for it. My husband and I had about 2 years of a calm happy life (as long as I stayed away from my family) before my parents’ health took a sharp decline and I became caregiver again. I long for those days! When my husband and I could make plans for our life together and actually follow through with them. I feel like it took me a lifetime to get out of the dark, hopeless hole I was in before we met, and now I feel like I’m getting sucked back into it. My physical symptoms were still present during those first 2 years of marriage, but they were much less severe. For one thing, when I was exhausted or not feeling well I could just go rest. If I had looming chores, I just did them after rest. I had few things I HAD to do. I could live my life out of what I wanted to do. That was amazing! Because I’d NEVER had that before. Everything all my life was what I was told/expected to do….and that “do’s and don’ts” list was long! Now it feels like I’m back there again. I’m not sure I can do it anymore. I also get angry, especially with my family, because I feel like I am (and always have been) expected to do or put up with things that they wouldn’t do or put up with.

(Good grief what a long post :-/
Thank you for reading.