Dear Jeffsmock,

Here's another big hug and a comment heading your way.

Sometimes when I have a problem, I only want to be heard and to hear some sympathy. I don't really want or need to hear solutions. So let me start by saying that you really do have my sympathy. You and your wife are in a difficult time of life, a time that our society prefers to ignore, so we all are so unprepared when we have to face it...It's seems almost cruel to tell someone whose heart is breaking that they should try to find happy things. But those hospice people know more about it than anyone else in our society.

I've been reading and rereading your post thinking...I'm sorry that looking at the photos made you both so sad and made you cry. It makes me wonder if a good, hard, all-out, wailing cry together might be a good thing? Especially together. You know, get all the sorrow and anger and frustration out of your systems for a little while? Maybe (I'm not a therapist so I don't know), it would help to confront the negative feelings together?

I read somebody say that, if your heart is full of hate, there's no room for love. Maybe it applies to sorrow, too. If your heart is too full of sorrow, there's no room for anything else. Maybe you can empty some of the sorrow out by having a good cry now and then, so there's room for some present happiness?

I'm not sure how old you are, but let me be bossy and tell you that you men are allowed to cry : ) -- no matter what they told you when you were a boy. And you don't have to hide in your room when you want to cry. A lot of women have known for a long time that a good cry, especially when you share it with someone, is cathartic, and it makes you feel better for a bit.

I'm not sure about this upcoming suggestion, but here goes. Are you two trying too hard to "Be strong!" for each other? Maybe just be "weak" together once in a while? I guess that brings us back to having a good cry together, or something like that.

Well, Jeff, I'm sorry this got so long. I do hope it helps a little, and that it wasn't so far off base as to be discouraging or hurtful in any way. I hope you can have a good day today.

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