To ajh== Though I am the caregiver, (my husband has the cancer) my thoughts go crazy too. In the first few weeks, I just wanted to be with him, and I was also reading all sorts of books on cancer, nutrition, diabetes, off label drugs and Big Pharma etc. He told me to continue on with my life activities, and I do some volunteer work at the church, and I continued with that. We have been praying very hard to get through this, and through my volunteer work, I have received positive "signs" and met people who have been helpful in terms of providing information or putting me in contact with drs, priests, clinical trials, or pan can info. You may not be physically able to get out and volunteer, but would it be possible for you to distract your brain by doing something from your home? Could you tutor some middle school/elementary students with math or reading,? could they come to your house (Prob need to come w a parent, if they are young or meet at a library.) That might bring some joy and feelings of productivity to your life. I knew a woman many years ago who had MS and she was in wheelchair, and she read books on tape for the blind. There are hotlines for people in mental stress, maybe worse than yourself--you can get trained to speak with these people, and it might help you and them. I don't know how well you are feeling to do any of this, but when we bring help or joy to others, often times it brings joy to ourselves, and a purpose for us on this earth. Maybe someone needs some proof reading done, or sometimes authors even like people to read their "First drafts" and comment on them. the senior centers sometimes like people to help other seniors with their computers or their technology, if you happen to have a skill in that. It could be done by phone call or zoom, or visit in person.... I am simply thinking about things you might be able to do from home that would create human interaction, joy, a feeling of success and purpose. Now I am rambling... hope this helps.