Mortality. A part of the reality in the world we live in. When things are going well in life, we tend to put our thoughts of a life-with-a-stopping-point far from our daily thoughts. But when catastrophic illness or accident comes our way, those thoughts of life and death surface so readily in our minds. It's our human condition to want to live, and its so natural to think that our last day will not be today.

I am 3 1/2 years out from TNBC. Though there are scars and other physical factors that remind me of where I've been, it is the processing of the trauma that remains, too. The Bible tells us to "teach us to number our days, that we might present to You a heart of wisdom". It's wise to remember that our days are limited - that there is a beginning and an end. That truth impacts how we live every single day, and the choices we make are born as a result of that truth.

So whether its a class, spending more time with friends and family, mentoring the next generation, saying those all-important things we forget to say to others, helping and volunteering, starting a new project, painting. . . it's that we make the choice to LIVE. There was a point that I finally reengaged with life. . . I started growing my hair again after a few years . . . I started that 30-year-long dream of remodeling my kitchen (we are still into the process, almost six month later, lol) . . . I returned to my business, working even though I still feel some fatigue . . . making plans with others to do things . . . and on and on.

Some days, I do well with short and long-term goals. . .other days, I am so very human, and a bit of uneasiness creeps into my being. But I think that's natural. We set our minds aright, focusing on things we can control, and letting go of those things we cannot. We don't expect to be any more "perfect" in our days now than before we had cancer, and yet we are changed from the very core after having been where we've been at. We see life differently, and hopefully, that is a good thing for each of us.

I believe only God knows the days appointed for me, so in that, I take a bit of pressure off myself. I still make mistakes, I still have grumpy moments and sad moments, but most of all, I LIVE - just like I did before. But this round, I know and understand more fully that the Lord, literally, holds my days. 🙂 "Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." Psalm 139:16