in reply to @brandysparks Yes, my art helps me in so many ways, and recently I have been up cycling wood pallets to make patio furniture, and so far I have made a garden bench, a small table and a raised planter. All was going quite swell until earlier this afternoon my upstairs neighbor/friend (?) threw some plastic bottles into my patio, presumably because of the noise generated by my power tools. She followed up with not only a text message after I thanked her for the plastic bottles which will be given to the maintenance man who recycles them, but later left a letter on my front door telling me she would be filing a formal complaint with the apartment manager about the noise, saying this is an apartment complex, not a construction site, and that I should do the work indoors. I sent her a text based upon an old Indian saying about walking a mile in one's shoes. It is a good one that my father had hanging in his garage, and I have never forgotten it. The gist of it is that it is about empathy.

Later after coming home from visiting my 84 year old friend, I felt broken. My spirit feels broken. I cannot please everyone, and God knows I have tried. I have been nothing but kind to this person without expecting anything in return. It is not as though I am firing up this saw 24/7, or using my electric sander to finish the tables and flower presses I make for my cards all day long. This "friend" is very passive aggressive, thus the text message and letter on my door. As much as I would like to scream at her, I will not allow myself to stoop to her level, whatever that may be.

I am so tired of being sick, of being undiagnosed, of having all kinds of procedures and being no further to being cured than when I was initially diagnosed. I now understand more fully why so many are "tired of living." This is not to say that I am going to do anything stupid, but having so many health issues at once has suddenly become overwhelming, thus this feeling of being broken. I still have gratitude and many others who I can count on to support me in different ways, I never ask for help unless I really need it. Later, I remembered her comment to me several months ago when people in my community began shunning me because I have lost so much weight, " As your friend, I am telling your appearance is shocking, and people are shunning you because they are afraid you will ask them for help." While working on an art project earlier, I paused and thought to myself, "that is HER issue." She is shocked at my appearance and is afraid I will ask her for help, which I know better not to because she is always unavailable, This past weekend I had a very bad reaction to Macrobid, and texted her asking if I could call her if I needed something. No response. All of this is quite telling to me, and now I will have to reassess this friendship. Whatever is going on with her is beyond my comprehension, Yes, I have compassion for her, but this does not mean I have to tolerate such behavior. I work on many projects because I find it better to stay busy, because if I stop my mind wanders to whatever is going on inside this now 95 pound body of mine and it makes me crazy.

We live in a wild world now that is so lacking in humanity that I am astonished. However, I will not let this ruin my ability to continue to do what makes me happy and proud of myself. My weight lifting has certainly paid off, as I can now drill screws in without first drilling pilot holes, I broke a drill bit because I was using too much force, My only male neighbor and friend is moving out in a few days, and out of all those in my building, he has been the kindest person to me. His absence will create a lot of neurotic women whose needs I cannot even begin to fathom.

Thank you for reading this. I rarely post things so late or things of this nature, but something happened to me after reading that letter because it was so astoundingly cruel. She asked for her mail key back because I collect her mail each day. I taped it into a card with two quotes I found, "Words are like keys, If you choose them right, they can open any door and shut any mouth" and " I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everyone." End of story. I am so done with this person, even though doing so pains me deeply. There's a picture of my best friend, now gone, and this pains me beyond words.