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in reply to @brandysparks and @grammy82 I was perusing this sequence of posts, and a distant memory came to me that I have not thought about in years. When I was a kid my mother used to put me in the car and drive to the Children's Receiving Home, a place where kids without parents were placed before being taken in as foster kids or adopted. I do not live far from this facility. She would drive into the parking lot and say to me: "this is where you are going to end up if you do not behave accordingly" or something like that. Every time I have been by that place I still think of all those times she took me there as some sort of sick threat. I attribute this to the fact that my mother and I were never close, as it was clear to me that my older sisters were her favorite, and that I was the unwanted, mistake. In fact, this past summer I was so convinced that I was not related to my sisters that I did one of those DNA kits from Ancestry, and kept hoping that I would find out that I was not really her child. No such luck. However difficult it was growing up with her abuse, as well as my father's, I am glad that I was able to overcome the shame I always felt for being "different." I was only able to do this at great personal expense and time, but I was determined never to be like my mother, sound like my mother and things of that nature. She was hearing impaired, as am I. And I made it my mission never to sound like a hard of hearing person. In fact, because I have such a soft voice, many are unaware of my own hearing impairment. Yes, I lived a fake life for a long time until I could not.
Anyway, thank you to all of you who have read my posts and have offered me such wonderful encouragement as I navigate this journey to better health.
Replies to "in reply to @brandysparks and @grammy82 I was perusing this sequence of posts, and a distant..."
Again and again I find myself wondering how and why parents can be so cruel to their children. I have mentioned this before and say it again: The wonder that happens when your new baby is placed in you arms. They are innocent and wonderful. I also had an abusive mother and it became so evident to me how cruel she was when I had my first child. We cry why? There is no answer.
Frances, that image of the hand sent chills down my spine~~did you do that? What a horrible thing to do to a child; I'm so sorry you had to live with that.
You have what it takes to make that journey and live a much more enjoyable life. I wasn't 'free' until I was in my early 70s, but who cares~!! I'm grateful at any age.
On this journey, you will see how much joy, just being you brings. Bless you💞
I'm so very sorry to read what you went through. And how wonderful you overcame your difficulties!
Sometimes parents project the way they unconsciously feel about themselves, onto their children. I wonder whether a parent with an impairment might do that to a child with an equivalent impairment?
Wow...what a sinister, cruel, intentionally mean thing to do to anyone, let alone a developing child dependent on a parent to survive.
Your art attached to your post speaks volumes to me...hope that is an outlet for you...inspired!
I’m so sorry you had this traumatic upbringing. I can relate as my mother was narcissistic and often very cruel. Although I understand now that her own childhood was similar so she did not know any different and was a very young mother. Although I understand, it does not excuse her lack of desire to do better with us. I have 4 siblings and we all carry our own traumas.
This life is hard. I have been there with depression and anxiety and the question of is it really worth it…but for me…yes it is. The beauty around me and my paintbrush in my hand helps immensely. I am an artist too. I love your beautiful art and I send you peaceful thoughts and a virtual hug.
Maggie
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@frances007 Funny (not in the “haha” way), I too often wished I had not been related to my mother - and it would not surprise me to hear my eldest has felt the same way about me! I swore I would never be like my mother and I consciously did everything she did not do for me, while raising my kids, but unfortunately there were some learned behaviours I was not aware of, that damaged my kids (especially my oldest), anyway.