Absolutely.

At home my mother was perceived as "the difficult, neurotic, mean one" when I was growing up.

But my father, who was very, very complicated and difficult, because he was reserved and "successful" at work, was never seen as causing us emotional harm.

I recently discovered that the move abroad, that probably wrecked my mum's already fragile psyche, was something SHE encouraged, to help my father with his depression after losing a beloved parent.

And I don't understand why he - who worked with mental health - never did more to ensure she was properly medicated. She was bitter and often very hurtful. But she also clearly suffered... a lot.