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Before I write anything else, please can I make it clear that I know you are right, 100%.
Sadly, (I'll speak for myself) the neglect and (not drastic) abuse I received from VERY young (from parents who didn't choose to do that, they just were the people they were) became part of me. It's no longer a question of how they treat me. I am the one who's not good to myself - in a number of significant ways, details of which I won't go into.
And I've not been the parent I wish I had been, and that is a genuine reason I feel cross with myself.
So, yes you are right, and I so, so wish I could follow your correct advice. Believe me, I'm trying, and hope I'll get there. Not least, because I don't wish my children to witness a bitter, warped parent, like my mother was.
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It took me many years to forgive myself for not being a better parent. When I talk to my sons today, they say they always knew how much I did and do love them.
Therapy helped me a great deal to realize a few things. Every pothole my sons hit wasn't because of me. My toolbox on parenting, relationships, and setting boundaries was empty.
When we forgive ourselves and let the guilt go, it is transformative. It is pretty obvious by reading the posts that the scale is heavy on the side of dysfunctional childhoods. Often I think dysfunction is the norm~! We can make positive, loving, and nurturing changes; we get a chance every time the sun rises.💞