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in reply to @spudmato You are correct that we make choices in our lives, and that we can choose whether or not to change something about ourselves that we may not particularly like. Many are unable to find meaning in their lives, perhaps because they are feeling hopeless, helpless or some other similar feeling. Some things are easier said than done.
I make it a point each day to exercise gratitude, even if I don't feel well, because I know that many today are not feeling great, or are feeling worse than I am. I try to occupy myself with things that bring me joy, such as art, music and now woodworking. I have just up -cycled 2 wooden pallets into tables for my patio. While many in my community continue to shun me because I have lost so much weight, I am sure they do not miss the fact that I have been lifting weights each day, as my arms look quite muscular. I lift the weights because I do not want to lose muscle mass, and my perseverance has paid off. While I was outside working yesterday, I said aloud: "I can do anything, and I will." This is not to say that everyday is a 10 for me, as there are many days when I just want to do nothing, and today feels like one of those days. Probably because my symptoms are worsening, and sometimes I fail to "see the forest through the trees." I am working on this, but cannot ignore the fact that I feel a bit weaker each day, have more pain each day and things of that nature. While I have discussed with my friend and former doctor that I want to take a break from all things medical, she is trying to encourage me to keep up with my appointments, even at great financial and emotional cost. I read an article on NORD that it takes on average 5 years to diagnose certain liver conditions/diseases. I am in year 3 and my medical team is no closer to knowing what is wrong with me than they were when I was first diagnosed.
In any event, I am fortunate to have things to look forward to, however small they may be at times. Everything around me is beautiful: my garden, my artwork, my wood projects, the roof over my head. I just received a walker I ordered so that I can help my 84 year old friend with her walking. She refused to use a walker unless I used one as well. I don't need one, but if this helps her, then I will use the walker with her. Others may look at me and think I am reaching the end, but they can think what they want. I simply want my dear friend to be able to walk around the community like she used to, and if using the walker alongside her works, then all is good.
With respect to feeling sorry for oneself, I think it is okay to have compassion for oneself. I am only just now learning how to do this, as I have always put the needs of others ahead of my own.
Thank you for your post.
Replies to "in reply to @spudmato You are correct that we make choices in our lives, and that..."
I like your spirit...and good for you 'walker-walking' with your friend and you are a good one!!💞
@frances007 - I am hopeful when I read about how you do your art, feel good about it, and keep creating in so many different ways. Just this afternoon I am going to an "Art Journaling" class. I was a graphic designer in my very first career (before computers), and am trying (though only visible, if at all, on a "microscopic" scale! ) to revisit my creative side through the many many many art supplies, found objects and sketches / doodles I've collected and made through the past 5 or so years, but have never done anything with.
My partner/fiance is painting, and soon will be teaching his very first art workshop in abstract acrylic art. He'd like me to get going more on my creative journey, but I've been stuck for so long on this, as with so many other things, but I maintain hope and curiosity that it still may happen. It's hard for me to stay with things, now that "work" is part of my previous professional life. But, we shall see.
Hope folks are doing OK, if not well, today. And greatly appreciate this past Monday's (and any day's) supportive responses and encouragement here on Mayo Clinic Connect. I'm slowly finding it's "OK not to be OK" - in incremental ways - and I hope that may lead to ultimately moving beyond to less of the burdened feeling I've carried most all of my life - one day?!
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I agree with almost all of what you have said. But with regard to making choices for oneself, I don't think this is always feasible. There are times when you need professional help. I know that I do. I have feelings of worthlessness and such because of being traumatized during childhood. You can know that you have to change certain behaviors, but without help you are unable to do so. I admire you that you are able to do so many things. I used to knit - my only accomplishment but now I am no longer interested and gave all my knitting things away. I used to bake because my husband liked sweets and I didn't want him to eat the stuff they sell in the stores. But now he is gone and I don't eat them. I like to read a lot and fortunately I am able to get to the library. I am very sorry that you are in pain and that the doctors cannot find the cause. That is so frustrating. I am losing my faith in doctors. They give you 10 minutes and then out the door. Good luck to you.