Dearest thisismarilymb, I think we all grieve differently. No way is wrong unless you stay angry. A dear friend of mine just lost her daughter. She told me she is not, 'moving forward" but "carrying on". I like that! It's sad how people expect you to grieve a certain way and can say things that are hurtful. I hope that has not happened to you as you have been through so much. I am so sorry you have had a hard life. I've had several deaths over the years including parents, close friends and my second set of parents; my in-laws who passed away 8 months apart. I was so blessed to be with my mom and my mother-in-law when they took their last breath. They went so peacefully to heaven. Pictures helped me....but, I wasn't ready for them right away. Perhaps you are just not ready still to look at pictures of your beloved husband....I think you will be and you will know when the time is right. You are precious to so many here on this website and I know you must have been very special to your husband. You have suffered a great loss. A void and hole in your heart that nobody else can fill. I wish I could just give you a big hug and let you cry on my shoulder, but, instead, I will continue to listen and try and encourage you. "Carry on" as best as you can. Take grief one day at a time.
Hugs & Love.....