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@grammy82 Thank you again.
I just looked up "GCA": I hope you will be all right and that you are getting the medical attention you need for that!
So thankful for your help today. I need to go be quiet today and ... I don't know what next.
That elusive therapist is ... still out there! And boy have I tried - but maybe I can somehow figure out how to get out of my own way...? That's all I can figure for now.
I always felt life was short - so pack it in while you can - and that was from my early 20s on ... til now: society-accepted "retirement age", and feeling farther away from myself than ever. Doing Wordle and Spelling Bee and NYTimes MiniCrosswords isn't getting this "gal" anywhere...fast! Almost feel stuck like when I was growing up and didn't have any choices.
I did frown back then; somewhere along the line I got up in front of the crowd, and found I liked it there. Now I no longer need to "perform for pay" (i.e., work), I'd just like to "perform for joy", but I don't know what form that takes...so here I sit, and freeze - almost like the animal, fearing for its life, that plays dead to survive. Phew.
"Onward" for now...Again, thanks Thanks THANKS! Be well, my friend.
Replies to "@grammy82 Thank you again. I just looked up "GCA": I hope you will be all right..."
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I'm so glad I could help and you can see many others deal with the same thing...not that it lessens the hurt!
Eventually, at least for me, I realized that I was always looking for someone to make me happy...making my grandchildren my focus though they were far away...I was sewing for them, writing them. I could finally see that the amount of love I was showing...was what I needed to fill me up.
We are not responsible for what happened and it wasn't our doing. But, we are responsible for the steps we take and heaven knows you have tried. You will find when you look squarely at what eats at you; it will be your first step in going forward and being the amazing person you are...out loud. My fifties were energetic and I was able to do more physically....reach out. You can do it, my friend, I know you can or you wouldn't be talking to me. 💞 I'll be here~!