Your writing is truly descriptive and shows me how you feel. I think you have found friends here, as I have.
No, it is not easy but when you get through this...and you will...it is worth the work.
I was born in 1940 and for many years, sometimes this gloominess would be in the background...temporarily gone but it came in 2018 and looked me straight in the eye. At different times I would make positive strides and experience peace, but when I was 78, I owned how worthwhile I was.
I'm just saying it is a worthwhile pursuit no matter your age....you are worth it. 💞