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That is such good advice. But the voices are so strong. I did not have neglect, but abuse. The voices are not mine but hers. It is still hard for me to walk alone because that voice keeps shaming me that I have no friends and am no good. I was constantly being punished for being bad. Now I punish myself for things I perceive as bad. Somewhere deep inside I do have a sane side telling me this is not so but I have not yet been able to get it up, and so I go on struggling. But I will continue to struggle and not give up. I left that cruel person called mother and learned to fend for myself. Everything I have now I have done by and for myself. So who knows, if I live long enough I may give that sane self a chance to burst out an say "Here I am. This is the real me."
Replies to "That is such good advice. But the voices are so strong. I did not have neglect,..."
I have found the following two things a challenge: my parents caused me damage (this has been confirmed by therapy and psychiatry), to the point where I moved far from all family in shame. But then 2 things happened: I carried on neglecting myself as they had. Plus, I had a family-sized hole in my life, which my wife helped with, yes. But I ended up keeping inner, mental (neglectful) parents, I guess because the psyche needs some kind of parents to guide and contain, even if neglectfully.
Solution?
1. What I wrote in my previous message.
2. I have had to forgive my parents despite the outrageous damage caused to my life. And learn that other people (though not angels, and certainly not substitute parents) can be nice. Friends are only that: nice, no more than that. But nice is good. It's just not intense like neglect or abuse. Friendship's kind of fleeting. But it's nice!
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What a survivor you are~! Yes, when you are told you are wrong, bad, an accident of birth....we have to dig deep to realize we have value. When I read your posts, I'm amazed an impressed with your courage and perseverance.
YOU BET..."Here I am. This is the real me." What I found was that when I spoke my authentic thoughts, people responded. You will get the 'hugs' you are worthy of.💞
You have touched many people through your posts.
I'll be heading to Nova Scotia for my granddaughter's high school graduation in June!