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You wrote that your therapist says you have PTSD because of childhood trauma.
I have deep trauma from childhood emotional neglect, and I think one of the most important insights for me was this: certain things I think and feel are NOT valid. What do I mean? If I think "I am not a good person" that is not a rational, genuine self-appraisal. It is an irrational feeling resulting from my early experiences. Thus it is pointless to listen to that feeling that "I'm not good". I've found that it's difficult but necessary to shrug off certain thoughts/ feelings, because taking them seriously is simply an error. Sometimes I need to put reason above emotion and say "I haven't been bad, thus this feeling is not reasonable".
That includes giving people the chance to welcome me and like me, rather than listening to my (unjustified) critical inner voice/feeling. I have to let people surprise me by liking me!
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That is such good advice. But the voices are so strong. I did not have neglect, but abuse. The voices are not mine but hers. It is still hard for me to walk alone because that voice keeps shaming me that I have no friends and am no good. I was constantly being punished for being bad. Now I punish myself for things I perceive as bad. Somewhere deep inside I do have a sane side telling me this is not so but I have not yet been able to get it up, and so I go on struggling. But I will continue to struggle and not give up. I left that cruel person called mother and learned to fend for myself. Everything I have now I have done by and for myself. So who knows, if I live long enough I may give that sane self a chance to burst out an say "Here I am. This is the real me."