But that is exactly what I have been doing. I know that something is not right. I feel that I am different or I wouldn't have these relationship issues. I do not feel "normal." But how am I thinking wrong? It happens time after time. So you retreat into yourself and life is lonely, especially now. I have visited a couple of those facilities for independent and assisted living. Not a place I want to live. In fact other people have told me that I am a worthwhile person. So that is not the problem. It all comes back to me. This is trauma from my mother that I carry around to this day. She is why I was able to leave my family, friends and life so I could get away from her. I was finally able to tell her to her face that I no longer wanted to have anything to do with her - and I didn't. Didn't even go to her funeral. However there is some pain that lasts forever. My therapist said I have PTSD because of childhood trauma. I think about this a lot. I think I just have to learn to live with myself the way I am. Yes, it is a lonely existence, but I know no other way.
Thank you for your concern.