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You have been so fortunate to have and love your husband…when you love and loose the person it’s just plain grief and that grief doesn’t leave, you just have to navigate around it I guess. My oldest son struggles with alcoholism and has Asperger’s…very intelligent and talented and productive working on my properties but I just can’t handle the stress of it. I also have been active and in really good shape but the emotional sadness is the worst. You know, I wish I had dementia and was in a nice care home! So sad because I love doing things and enjoy people but find myself in bed sometimes for days! I need to just stop playing”god” I guess and detach but don’t seem to be able to. How very, very brave your going on a cruise! Your husband is proud of you I know! You inspire me…😊👍💕🌺
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I don't think becoming detached is the only route to coping with helping people. I look at it this way:
I can't do any more than my best, I'm not God.
But if I'm sad, stressed and depressed, I can't even do my best.
So if I can accept that all I can do is my best (which includes looking after myself, doing things I like, etc) then I will probably stop feeling sad, and I will be able to do my best (and no more than that) for my loved ones!
I don't think becoming detached is the only route to coping with helping people. I look at it this way:
I can't do any more than my best, I'm not God.
But if I'm sad, stressed and depressed, I can't even do my best.
So if I can accept that all I can do is my best (which includes looking after myself, doing things I like, etc) then I will probably stop feeling sad, and I will be able to do my best (and no more than that) for my loved ones! And I'll be doing much more for them than when I was sad and depressed.
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Thank you for your kind words. You don't want dementia. It's losing yourself. Nothing could be worse. I do know about being in bed for days. It's called inertia. You just want to leave the world for a while. Then you grit your teeth, take a nice shower and continue on. I am fighting a new battle now. I just finished getting through an allergic reaction to a new medication. Going through my medical history I find I have a lot of those. I have told my doctor I am not happy with the care I am receiving. Some might say - go to another doctor. Unfortunately there are not many choices where I live and there is a shortage of doctors in this country. Fortunately I take very few medications and in the future perhaps none. Sometimes the cure is worse than the disease.
You need to continue your love of doing things and enjoying people. If you like to help, just gently give them hints to the right direction and encourage them to think for themselves.