1. < Just Want to Talk

Tired of living

Posted by thisismarilynb @thisismarilynb, Apr 17, 2023

When I wake up each morning I am not grateful. For me life is not worth living. I had a miserable childhood and was traumatized by an abusive mother. I finally left home and went far away by myself to try and make a life. To a degree I was successful. I was fortunate to meet a wonderful man and we were married for 59 years before his death. Even so I have never been able to make friends or be comfortable in meeting people. I shrink from going into crowds. Now I am alone. I am 88 years old and am sick and tired of living. The only sure thing I know is that I will not do away with myself.

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ricm58 | @ricm58 | May 18, 2023
In reply to @brutusthebear "I am sad that you feel this way but understand because much of the time I..." + (show)
@brutusthebear

I am sad that you feel this way but understand because much of the time I do also. You are amazing and I don't think you realize that! 88 years old! How awesome is that! Your are a strong survivor. I am64 and feel that way because of my three sons...especially one who is an alcoholic. Do you have children or grand-children? I am going to sleep soon and am going to pray for you...big hugs and life here wasn't meant to be easy I guess or we wouldn't need the big guy upstairs...God.🌹

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Really agree that life wasn't meant to be easy.

It just puzzles me, the degree to which media, advertising etc sell images of total happiness and pleasure.

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2 replies
ricm58 | @ricm58 | May 18, 2023

I just reread your text.

One thing that occurred to me (I hope this won't sound silly): do you like classical music? Listening to certain pieces can be truly life-enriching. Two examples, both by Franz Schubert. For power and profundity, the String Quintet in C Major. For joy, the symphony no. 5.

For a Jewish connection there is the music of Ernest Bloch.

All easily found on YouTube etc

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1 reply
thisismarilynb | @thisismarilynb | May 18, 2023
In reply to @ricm58 "I just reread your text. One thing that occurred to me (I hope this won't sound..." + (show)
@ricm58

I just reread your text.

One thing that occurred to me (I hope this won't sound silly): do you like classical music? Listening to certain pieces can be truly life-enriching. Two examples, both by Franz Schubert. For power and profundity, the String Quintet in C Major. For joy, the symphony no. 5.

For a Jewish connection there is the music of Ernest Bloch.

All easily found on YouTube etc

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Yes, I love classical music. We have tons of CD's but somehow I cannot play them. I don't know why. Am I too used to the quietness of the house?

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1 reply
thisismarilynb | @thisismarilynb | May 18, 2023
In reply to @ricm58 "Really agree that life wasn't meant to be easy. It just puzzles me, the degree to..." + (show)
@ricm58

Really agree that life wasn't meant to be easy.

It just puzzles me, the degree to which media, advertising etc sell images of total happiness and pleasure.

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So why don't you? There is no age limit on that.

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thisismarilynb | @thisismarilynb | May 18, 2023
In reply to @brutusthebear "I am sad that you feel this way but understand because much of the time I..." + (show)
@brutusthebear

I am sad that you feel this way but understand because much of the time I do also. You are amazing and I don't think you realize that! 88 years old! How awesome is that! Your are a strong survivor. I am64 and feel that way because of my three sons...especially one who is an alcoholic. Do you have children or grand-children? I am going to sleep soon and am going to pray for you...big hugs and life here wasn't meant to be easy I guess or we wouldn't need the big guy upstairs...God.🌹

Jump to this post

Yes, I am a survivor. I left my abusive mother as a young twenty something to start a new life. That was in 1958 when it wasn't being done. But it did make me strong. I have two sons. My husband would have liked more children but it was enough for me. I also have grandchildren. To be honest what saved me was racewalking. I got into it in my forties and loved it. Even though I had a full-time job and family I took that time for myself; stopped at the track after work and did 3-4 miles every day for 5 days. Did this until I retired at 67, but never stopped walking. I really believe that is has helped to achieve this great age in more or less pretty good condition. I am able to live independently. Going on a short cruise at the end of the month. Will be first one without my husband. Going to be hard but I will survive.

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1 reply
thisismarilynb | @thisismarilynb | May 18, 2023
In reply to @nrocpop "I have an additional thought. Maybe you could go with some of the people you feel..." + (show)
@nrocpop

I have an additional thought. Maybe you could go with some of the people you feel comfortable around, to social activities at their church rather than diving in to going to church immediately. For example, I am Catholic, but I used to have a great time going with my cousin to volleyball, Bible studies and musical programs at her Baptist church. My son had a great time going with a friend to things with his Jewish friend at his synagogue. Many faith communities welcome you wherever you are mentally and emotionally.

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Actually my best friend is an atheist. I am interested in religions but only as history, not to belong. I have been to different churches for events and they are okay but I would not consider going. I am not interested in the rituals. Too many are against women being in a position where they can preach, etc. I find this offensive. What I believe in most is The Golden Rule and I try to live that way.

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2 replies
thisismarilynb | @thisismarilynb | May 18, 2023
In reply to @colleenyoung "Gentle reminder of the Community Guidelines https://connect.mayoclinic.org/blog/about-connect/tab/community-guidelines/ Please note guideline number 2 2. Remain respectful at..." + (show)
@colleenyoung

Gentle reminder of the Community Guidelines https://connect.mayoclinic.org/blog/about-connect/tab/community-guidelines/

Please note guideline number 2
2. Remain respectful at all times.
- Exercise tolerance and respect toward other participants whose views may differ from your own.
- Disagreements are fine, but mutual respect is a must.
- Realize that sarcasm and joking will often be misunderstood.
- Be inclusive. Not everyone shares the same religious or political beliefs. Don't impose your beliefs on others.
- Personal attacks against members or health care providers are not acceptable. Such posts will be removed.

The Community Guidelines offer 12 short rules of conduct that help keep the Mayo Clinic Connect community safe, supportive, inclusive, and respectful.

For members who wish to connect about spirituality and healing, you may be interested in re-animating this discussion:
- How Spirituality Can Help Stress https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/how-spirituality-can-help-stress/

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I made my comment on proseletyzing precisely because of one of the sentences in Rule No. 2 says "Don't impose your beliefs on others." That is what I am getting from some of these posts. They have points of view. That is fine. But the way they present them is to urge other people to adopt their point of view. That is what I do not like. Just let them say this and that give me comfort and stop. Don't urge others to do the same to have to feel better.

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nrocpop | @nrocpop | May 18, 2023
In reply to @thisismarilynb "Actually my best friend is an atheist. I am interested in religions but only as history,..." + (show)
@thisismarilynb

Actually my best friend is an atheist. I am interested in religions but only as history, not to belong. I have been to different churches for events and they are okay but I would not consider going. I am not interested in the rituals. Too many are against women being in a position where they can preach, etc. I find this offensive. What I believe in most is The Golden Rule and I try to live that way.

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I want to apologize. Somehow, I added this comment to the wrong thread. It really does not go with the things you were saying and that is my mistake.

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annewoodmayo | @annewoodmayo | May 18, 2023

Wow, you folks are an inspiration! Overcoming (or working hard at it) and helping other people! Good for you!

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brutusthebear | @brutusthebear | May 18, 2023
In reply to @thisismarilynb "Yes, I am a survivor. I left my abusive mother as a young twenty something to..." + (show)
@thisismarilynb

Yes, I am a survivor. I left my abusive mother as a young twenty something to start a new life. That was in 1958 when it wasn't being done. But it did make me strong. I have two sons. My husband would have liked more children but it was enough for me. I also have grandchildren. To be honest what saved me was racewalking. I got into it in my forties and loved it. Even though I had a full-time job and family I took that time for myself; stopped at the track after work and did 3-4 miles every day for 5 days. Did this until I retired at 67, but never stopped walking. I really believe that is has helped to achieve this great age in more or less pretty good condition. I am able to live independently. Going on a short cruise at the end of the month. Will be first one without my husband. Going to be hard but I will survive.

Jump to this post

You have been so fortunate to have and love your husband…when you love and loose the person it’s just plain grief and that grief doesn’t leave, you just have to navigate around it I guess. My oldest son struggles with alcoholism and has Asperger’s…very intelligent and talented and productive working on my properties but I just can’t handle the stress of it. I also have been active and in really good shape but the emotional sadness is the worst. You know, I wish I had dementia and was in a nice care home! So sad because I love doing things and enjoy people but find myself in bed sometimes for days! I need to just stop playing”god” I guess and detach but don’t seem to be able to. How very, very brave your going on a cruise! Your husband is proud of you I know! You inspire me…😊👍💕🌺

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