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Seen as selfish when have mental difficulties

Depression & Anxiety | Last Active: May 22, 2023 | Replies (10)

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I think the name-calling, in my case, is because apparently I was difficult to live with, and my diagnosis came very late. Also, I have to understand that the name-callers are only human too!

I too have been told that damage can be caused in early childhood by being left alone, which seems less "dramatic" than abuse, but causes damage (for instance, one may not be encouraged to interact with, and be fascinated by, the outside world).

I think these days it's known as CEN, childhood emotional neglect.

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Replies to "I think the name-calling, in my case, is because apparently I was difficult to live with,..."

@ricm58 So true for me too in terms of the "less dramatic" (I would call it, and very painfully so - the kind of damage that is "less obvious to friends, family and society": controlling, narcissistic, socially upright, upstanding, marginally religious, successful family I was raised in, and indeed did have worldly benefits from growing up within - as it would appear outwardly, that is.

...for me, it's in terms of being "left alone" with no support for growing into an individual, no or little support when I questioned how my parents treated each other (snarky, biting, nasty subtle snipes that they must have thought I/we children wouldn't see, but which made me vow to NEVER find myself in that kind of situation or relationship), no support - ("how ungrateful can you be? how DARE you after all I've done for you?!") in response to simply daring (with tears, shaking, words barely able to come out, usually paired with thinking suicide was the only way to leave the unhappiness of growing up in this world), with no support for having my own observations, tastes, style, thoughts, opinions, and on and on....and we're NOT talking here about anything radical. In fact, I was TOO quiet/shy, TOO obedient, a good student, NEVER rebelled, NEVER felt I could leave and make my way on my own - until I moved across country, still plagued by the doubting, judgmental, dismissive voices of my parents in my head.

At least I was able to forge through adversity in the big cities where I lived, but never finding true connections, let alone lasting relationships, or lasting comfort or success professionally, though I have the advanced academic degrees and "Renaissance woman" resume to show for it (with NO regrets on that note, BTW). Always seemed to be brought down in the working world by some woman who was undermining, back-stabbing, probably jealous, though that is nothing to enjoy experiencing in any way.

Never enjoyed the guidance or sage wisdome of a mentor. Still searching for that in life - a "life mentor" I suppose.

Wish we could all find each other in this world, in ways that help, and not hurt, or betray; ths is what we are managing to do here on MayoConnect - thank goodness.

I just find it so VERY VERY painful in my very current struggle, being constantly met with dull, numb, unemotional or silent "responses" (partner, sister) to my communicated observations and struggles, especially when these very people have lived those struggles themselves, and/or do communicate with others, but do not seem to (or want to?) see me for my own. Makes me think the only option is to shut down, like them. But that is the very basic thing I struggled against doing until I finally - at least by moving away - "freed" myself from this stamping down of my light.

When I see others' lights being trampled, I cry inside. I am crying inside now for myself.

A general, warm thanks to those who reach beyond to share their stories here.