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@buggirl55

@nemo1 My friends father had dementia and was so angry and combative they stopped visiting him as they didn't want to deal with his meanness and he didn't remember anyone at the last few years anyway. They had to accept that wasn't him but at the same time didn't want to remember him that way.
You are so right. i had to realize i was using words like combative etc but realized it wasn't her trying to be that way. My dad said this week she is being unreasonable. No she is being a patient with dementia who doesn't understand reason (he tries to reason with her. example: honey don't you want to be dry instead of wet bedding, etc for over 30 minutes sometimes). I just go in and tell her I am changing her and she might be angry but in 10 min she will forget and thank me for helping her with everything. Can't reason with unreasonable illness.

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Replies to "@nemo1 My friends father had dementia and was so angry and combative they stopped visiting him..."

Absolutely. Oh my goodness…that sounds like my mom and I’m sure many people. She - every time dad would dig his heels in refusing to eat, would try and negotiate and debate his lack of eating. Trying everything to get him to want to. She spent so much time and reaching her about that and to try to get her to accept this is not about his stubborn will. Its about his sickness. Thats the only way to see it (in my estimation). There was so much waisted time. I know she felt less than as a caregiver if she could not get the man who never missed a meal to eat. She felt responsible. But I tried to explain in delicate terms (because tensions are high with that going on). In the end, she resigned to accept but it was near the end when that happened. It is hard to say goodbye when the person is right in front of us. Even if it is a notion, I have found emotionally it saves a lot of heartache in one way. I remember feeling guilty for these initial thoughts, but realized right away asking myself why I am feeling guilty. We do what we can when we can. If and when they let us. You are so right - you can’t reason with an unreasonable illness.