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How do you handle uncooperative and manipulative behaviors?
Caregivers: Dementia | Last Active: May 15, 2023 | Replies (37)Comment receiving replies
My dad had frontal lobe trouble and he became very selfish and self centered. It would seem his inhibitions were diminished as everything was about him. Some issues were a battle. Eating. Sometimes he did sometimes he refused. After a while we soon realized this was due to condition and not so much reflective of his prior demeanor.
When I realized that was the case I began to accept this was not dad anymore. That it was a different person. There was grieving with this process. But a new peace was found when dealing with the poor attitudes. Realizing they cannot help it and aren’t intentionally being abusive. They lack the insight and self reflection. Its like it evaporated.
I hope the situation gets better for your family.
Replies to "My dad had frontal lobe trouble and he became very selfish and self centered. It would..."
Your remarks about “…this was not dad anymore” prompts this reply. My wife has MCI (Mild Cognitive Impairment) a pre-condition sometimes to dementia. Her most dominant of the 3 symptoms is emotional impact. Anger, hostile behavior comes and goes along with ANTs (Automatic Negative Thoughts). Dark. At times she is far from her old self; as you said a “Different Person”. While imperfect, my means to contend with this is to use a pair of pseudonyms. Resulting in 3 names: her natural given name, and two nicknames. (She revolves among these personas)
One nick name has been ‘GG’. Fun, happy, and lovable. Another nick name is ‘Gertrud’: angry, hostile, dark and patently negative. If I had to be around Gertrud all the time, that would make ME useless, and I’d bail out. However, I can deal with Gertrud part time, and when it’s unbearable I get away for awhile, and re-center (as opposed to resent her 😊 😵💫)
And one final thought in the spiritual dimension. We are called to ‘light a candle, rather than curse the darkness’ At times that candle is lit for her, at really dark times that is fruitless and the candle is lit for others. And that lighting generates renewal in me, and gift from Him.
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@nemo1 My friends father had dementia and was so angry and combative they stopped visiting him as they didn't want to deal with his meanness and he didn't remember anyone at the last few years anyway. They had to accept that wasn't him but at the same time didn't want to remember him that way.
You are so right. i had to realize i was using words like combative etc but realized it wasn't her trying to be that way. My dad said this week she is being unreasonable. No she is being a patient with dementia who doesn't understand reason (he tries to reason with her. example: honey don't you want to be dry instead of wet bedding, etc for over 30 minutes sometimes). I just go in and tell her I am changing her and she might be angry but in 10 min she will forget and thank me for helping her with everything. Can't reason with unreasonable illness.