I really don’t want to vent here, but if not with my fellow neuropathians, then who with?

The pain in my feet starts when I wake up, around a 1 or 2. If I do nothing all day (except walk the dog for 15 minutes, some light housework), it goes up to a 4 or 5, which strangely enough is now on the edge of bearable.

If I have to run errands, walk to my car, go to the pharmacy, etc, it goes up to a 7 or 8, which isn’t bearable.

It’s been a year since I had to stop working, and the pain has gotten worse… I’m 59 and healthy in every other way, and I’m worried about how bad it will get as the years go by.

The numbness (which started 7 years ago) has travelled above my ankles, the pain is 3/4 of the way towards my heels.

I don’t dream of traveling, I won’t ever work again, I feel homebound although I can go out…. It just hurts.

So, I prioritize the activities in my life. I know what will cause pain and if it’s important enough I’ll do it, pain be damned. But it’s hard.

Gabapentin 600 mg, 5 times a day, takes the pain down maybe 1 point. The weakest medical marijuana I can find takes it down 2 points, and the mm that works the best, which I can only take at night because I get 90 minutes of blissful, takes 100% of the pain away… it’s like magic, and on a bad day I crave it.

But, I lose all sense of reality and control, and as much as I giggle and say silly things and repeat how great it all feels… I hate it.

Floating on foam pads in our condo’s heated pool also takes all the pain away while I’m in it, but when I get out and gravity hits… it’s so much worse.

So, yes. I feel it absolutely has taken over my life.