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@thisismarilynb you got this! I know you can do it because I am very much like you. I am only suggesting what I have tried and found to be a fact.
I grew up in a very backward East Indian family where the mother cared only for her sons and they were her only focus. I being a girl - a disfigured one at that (I am totally blind in one eye) so considered improbable to get married off - was a sore point in her life - a millstone around her neck. I was an A student in school but was forced by my mother to leave school at 14 when my father died because she felt girls were not worth spending money on education - their purpose in life was just to get married and run a husband’s household. Add to being disregarded by everyone I suffered physical and emotional abuse at her hands and was a sexual prey to random men (thankfully not my father - but I was too afraid to tell him because when I told my mother I was just beaten more and told it was my fault). With the help of a family friend’s encouragement I was able to leave the country on my own a week before my 23rd birthday and make a life for myself half way across the globe.
It’s a long story of physical, mental and sexual abuse but this is the gist of it. I long since have forgiven my mother because over the years I came to realize she was only a product of her own upbringing - she really didn’t know any better.
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Dear Rashida,
After reading your post, My heart ached for what. you went through as a child. You were so fortunate to have that friend help to leave your family. Tough decision have to be made in our lives which is never easy. Often it is done one step at a time. With faith there is a better world out there for you. IT's like taking a leap when you don't know where you will land. But we do it anyway because the situation we are in is beyond tolerable.
I believe you are a very very special person. The higher power had a life plan for you in your life that would come to fruition once the stars were aligned. I commend you for your courage and having to break away from that dysfunctional cycle. Think, you broke that cycle. So much is fear based and culturally ingrained is women. At some point even though your mom could not acknowledge yes she was the product of her own family and cultural, not withstand the emotional and. physical abuse you endured. Again, it's great you were able to let go as it is caustic to he mind and body. Memories no will not be totally erased but we have to see them from different prospectives. Perhaps you are a person who will. teach others by your experience how we can take a step and move forward preserving ourself. Sadly some women have not choice. May there be something better in their life that someday makes them happy.
My hope you have found a new life with loving people and support . We can create our own families and teach the lessons some women ever were lucky to receive. All your experiences serve a purpose not only to yourself but to other to understand that many obstacles in life can be overcome...not ever easy but not impossible. My question to those in crisis? How badly do you want change to happen. What are you willing to risk? IT's scary as there are no easy answer and we al are different base as you mention how you were raise. Regardless you and the can alway make change. Often we just need understanding not empathy to move forward. A smile and greeting and the heart feels it. IT's like medicine. I hope you have a good family of your own. Journal that often helps too. Think You broke that cycle. IT's 2023, things are changing. Best of luck, let us know how you are doing. IF we can't find compassion with people. Animals are great gifts in our live. They don't judge and are always there for us.
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I am so sorry you had to go through all that. Thankfully I was never sexually abused. I decided also to leave home and made a new life for myself. Even so I still had to put up with her abuse. Finally there came a time when she said to me: "Who are you?" She said this because she had offered to buy me a cheap sofa and I refused. That started me thinking. Who am I? I figured out that I was a person and therefore was entitled to be treated as a person. So I found the courage to tell her to her face that I was no longer going to speak to her or be in her presence and would not let her visit me because she was not a good mother. In her case we believe she was mentally ill.