Hi, I am so glad you. reached out to this site. There are a lot of wonderful people who have walked your walk and are here to help you. I can understand your grief and missing your husband. I lost a husband in Viet Nam and thought my world had ended and why was life worth living.

IT's a wound that slowly heals. WE go through so many emotions that in my case frustrated me to no end I didn't believe anyone could understand on any left. Sadly people around us often avoid or can't deal with people who are at loss with missing a life companion and or illness. My thought is we all will walk a walk in life no matter. how rich, old, young we are. There is anger involved with loss, yet we all go through it in one form or another unless we are robotic. Think of it.

Nott to proselytize anyone's belief on even there are thousands of people who have had your experience, especial as that in your childhood. The anger do not resolve itself and forgiveness is not negotiable and it is not necessary to forgive anyone but. yourself on how. you feel.

You were lucky and. yes bless to have found the love of your life as other have not. That okay too. Yes, hold on to those memories. You husband I believe may come to you in dream. IT's comforting and valuable to heal. This is my belief. as I had this experience. I also would write letters to my husband on. how I felt after having lost. him and the future I had planned for us. It' a form of letting go with out judgement from anyone as it make us angry when anyone tries to tell you things that are of no use. They are just trying help and be kind but often do not say the right words to bring you peace and healing.

Yes a little volunteering even if it's a hour a week or a couple of hours does help especially with children. They bring the light and joy to many people especially with those children who do not have grandmothers. A nursery school may enjoy having you read to them or have play time with them simple tasks are fun with children'.They love volunteers. Local city senior center have different activities as well. There are other women and men who have lost spouces . A garden club or can you teach on any kind of format? Baking Cookies, sewing, ceramics, crafts? These groups especially city one take trip. Our group when to a flower exp in Philadelphia. Great fun.

Lastly may I suggest checking out You Tube.John Bradshaw. I love this man. HE was a pastor and a psychologist and had videos on Healing the Inner child, Homecoming and other of great value and are so helpful to help anyone understand the trauma of childhood and begin to. heal from abuses so you can free yourself of what has has transpired in your life. ITs healing a wound that festers because of our memories which are locked in our mind. They also affect our spirt and do not allow you to move forward at any age ... HE speak of regaining your inner child. So much there it's difficult to share all this subject matter. Some series on You TUBE are short and other are the full lecture. HE wasn't a quack. He was featured on PBS when filming was done with video crassests There are audio tapes I believe and his books which can be found on different formats. Barnes and NOBLES , Ebay, ec ec. or even a local library. This John Bradshaw was from Houston Texas and had a beard. There is another person with the same name that I believe has capitalize on the original John Bradshaw teaching and lecture. Often university libraries may have his books and tapes. The books are great but tapes and You tube videos are even better. His tapes include regaining your inner child . They are empowering and in my opinion have served to help a great many people in pain as yourself. Hope this helps. Please try to find this... John Bradshaw series have helps thousands of people who as. yourself were ready to throw in the towel. You still have much to contribute to the world from your own experiences and knowledge, You are a survivor ... Move forward. Listen to the birds Commune with nature and if you have f friends try not to push them away. They are only trying to help but after a while they can give up on. you and feel you need to meet them half way to move forward. We all will walk the walk. Sending good vibes.