Not being funny or facetious, it is raining today and for the next two days, so the sunshine is on vacation right now. My moods are sensitive to the weather. If it is grey and cold, so am I. My mother was cold and abusive. When I search my memory I cannot find any instances of being hugged, kissed or told any loving words, so I may have just as motherless. What I do remember is searching piles of dirty clothes for something to wear to school because she couldn't bother to get up to see that her children were properly dressed or fed before going to school. We weren't even teenagers. I remember leaving the house for hours so she couldn't get to me. My Dad was not an alcoholic, but never did anything. He worked a lot and we were not hungry, but there was no love or affection. My therapist says I have PTSD. The best thing in my life was meeting my husband. Had 59 wonderful years with him and two boys. Now I am alone and quite old. Thankfully I still have my mind so I am able to live independently and make my own decisions. I learned how to drive on the freeway so can get myself anywhere I need to go. I feel like Old Man River - tired of living and scared of dying. But at this point there is not much point in living. I just go on day to day. The pain of his loss is still great.