Loss of husband: I'm only existing, how do I live again?

Dear Maggie, and others,
Thank you for your kind words. We are in an unwanted sisterhood/brotherhood for which we are ill prepared. Even if death is expected, it comes as almost a terrible surprise.
As far as coping, and moving on, it will always be difficult. At some point, I said to myself that my husband would not want me to continue mourning. I had to give myself pep talks, and to do something productive. I distributed his clothing to various people who were his size. I also found a program that dresses men who have come out of prison and need clothing. I wanted(as he would have wanted) to have his clothes continue to have a life.
I hired someone who needs some income, to help start downsizing our home with 55 years of “stuff”.
I joined 2 book clubs; one to keep my mind agile-we read James Joyce’s “Ulysses” last year on Zoom, with people from many states. The other is a cook book club. We made food during the pandemic online, and now meet in person, bring food to the library meeting room, and discuss.
Tonight, friends got together, made pizzas, and enjoyed each other.
It is truly one day at a time.
I wish you grace and peace.
Barbara
P.S. Volunteering is another option.

I am truly sorry for your loss. In my experience, it's hard to feel like a whole person when half of you is gone. You are in the process of rediscovering yourself and the new life that awaits. Keeping a journal can be revealing. I wrote grief books and literally wrote my way to healing. Write a letter to your husband, put it away for several months, and then write another. Do you see signs of progress? Find a grief buddy and meet weekly. Join a support group after attending several "test drive" sessions. Donate books about your loved one's interests to the public library. Contribute to a national or local health organization. Find solace in the beauty of nature. When you're feeling stronger, help another widow who is grieving. Your husband would want you to be happy. Claim happiness for yourself in honor of him.

It was two years before I had a “memories”gathering for my husband. I put his large collection of baseball caps on each table, along with his collection of wacky socks. Guests were advised to be ready to share a fond/funny story. Lunch was served and everyone said it was the best memorial ever.